In the recent episode of Lock Upp, Saisha Shinde, Payal Rohatgi and Poonam Pandey shared some details about their private lives with each other. While Poonam accused her estranged husband Sam Bombay of domestic abuse, Saisha Shinde also shared a similar experience from her personal life.
Saisha Shinde, who was formerly Swapnil prior to the sex reassignment surgery, was in a relationship with a guy, who mentally tortured her back then. Recalling the experience, Saisha said, "Even I was abused in a relationship but it wasn't physical, it was mental abuse on another level. He made me feel like I am sh*t. He used to stand outside my door and just wait thinking that someone will come and I'll cheat on him. And, let's say if I cheat on him, he'll catch me red-handed and he will use it against me. He used to climb on the terrace, go on the pipeline, stand on the pipeline, open the blinders of the bathroom and see slowly if I am mast********, to use that against me."
When Payal Rohatgi asked Saisha, "Why can't you mastu*****?" She responded saying, "Because that's the reason then that I don't want to have s*x with him. Back then, I thought maybe he's saying the right thing but I was never happy in there. Physically, I was never happy at all. I used to always wonder, 'kya mujhe samajh hi nahin aa raha hai' because I was a woman inside who was having s*x with a gay man. Obviously something was wrong but I told myself that I am gay only."
Saisha Shinde is a renowned fashion designer and has styled some popular Bollywood celebrities like Kangana Ranaut, Kareena Kapoor Khan and many others. For the unversed, she also designed the Miss Universe Finale 2021 gown for Harnaaz Kaur Sandhu.
1/8:Lock Upp contestant and designer Saisha Shinde formerly known as Swapnil opens up about becoming a transwoman; a look at her pre-transformation pics and journey
<p>Transwoman Saisha Shinde - a popular fashion designer is currently seen in Kangana Ranaut hosted Lock Upp. She was the woman behind Miss Universe 2021 Harnaaz Sandhu’s beautiful gown, which she wore on the winning night. Formerly known as Swapnil Shinde, she is India’s first openly transwoman. As she makes her first appearance on TV, Saisha is seen getting transparent about her transformation journey and the struggles she has faced. Here’s a look at her pre-transformation pictures and more. </p>BCCL - Non Copyright
2/8:Coming out as a transwoman
<p>Saisha Shinde came out as a transgender in front of the world in 2021 with a social media post. She shared about her decision to turn into a transwoman while announcing her changed identity from Swapnil to Saisha. She shared a few posts unfolding about her story and wrote, “Here we go 2021 P.s: Saisha means a meaningful life and I plan to make mine an exceptionally meaningful one.” </p>BCCL - Non Copyright
3/8:Saisha Shinde’s story
<p>As she told her story, Saisha never felt comfortable in a man’s body. She was 15 when she realised that she is interested in men. Confused about her identity, she decided to take therapy. However, the journey wasn’t easy for Saisha, who spent almost 20 years finding himself. She finally decided to be a transwoman at the age of 40. </p>BCCL - Non Copyright
4/8:From Swapnil to Saisha
<p>A few days after her transformation, Saisha made a post about the fulfilling and liberating it felt to finally find her identity. Posting her before and after pictures, she wrote, “Life as we know it —- rather do we really know it ? 37 years - Swapnil 37 days - Saisha The last 37 days as SAISHA have been way more fulfilling and liberating than each and every second of the 13505 days as SWAPNIL !!! P.s - Swapnil was happy but SAISHA is god damn happier ! P.s pe P.s - कोई कुछ भी कहे एक guarantee मैं देती हूँ , try being true to yourself and be your self for one day ! Fearlessly ! and if you don’t feel the magic I’ll change my name to swapnil !!!” </p>BCCL - Non Copyright
5/8:Saisha on her counselling pre-transformation sessions
<p>In one of the recent episodes of Lock Upp, Saisha recalled the time when she visited psychiatrists to seek some advice on undergoing the surgery. Talking with her teammates, she shared, “I was very 'hatta khatta types.' So the first three psychiatrists told me, 'Yeh tum kya kar rahe ho, this is wrong. You are so dashing, handsome, you don't need to go through this. It is just a phase, yeh toh nikal jayega. Conversion therapy bhi ban karva rahe hain.” </p>BCCL - Non Copyright
6/8:Getting family’s support
<p>While talking about her transformation, Saisha opened up about how supportive her family was throughout the transformation journey. She said, “Dad was happy and very supportive. Mom took a day to think about it but accepted it eventually. A day later, they called me up and suggested names for me. I am very lucky, they accepted my decision respectfully. I was invited at a cousin's wedding and my family hadn't seen me. At the wedding, the whole 'shaadi ka hall' turned and started seeing . They all welcomed me very warmly. My uncle called his daughter and made her click pictures with me. I am truly blessed.” </p>BCCL - Non Copyright
7/8:Struggle to get an identity as a transwoman
<p>While close ones were supportive of her decision, Saisha faced difficulties getting an identity as a transwoman. During the grand premiere of Lock Upp, she shared that it has been difficult to get the identity as a transwoman in society and without identity, everything is difficult in life. She revealed that getting basic things done like finding a house for herself to getting her aadhar card made everything has been tough. As she shared about these struggles she faced, Saisha stated that even though films are made and people talk about giving equal rights to the transgender community, in reality, things are very different because there is no acceptance in society. </p>BCCL - Non Copyright
8/8:Celebrating herself as a transwoman
<p>On January 5, 2022, Saisha celebrated a year of being ‘Saisha’. Sharing a few pictures that spoke about her journey of becoming a transwoman, finding herself and getting an identity of her own as a transwoman. Alongside these pictures, she wrote a long note and unraveled all that she felt. Her note read, “SWAPNIL was always CONSCIOUS of HIS body … HE hated that it was not MASCULINE enough (although it was all in his head) . He always wore a T shirt and went in the pool . The T shirt STICKING to the body was extremely uncomfortable as it showed his slightly feminine body and so HE would remain in the pool only keeping his head out ! The idea of a pool party or anything related to the pool was scary .. because not every pool owner is going to allow people in with a shirt on ! SWAPNIL missed out on a lot of amazing times UNTIL ….. 30-12-21 . Recently I entered the pool ... MY FIRST AS SAISHA ! My body not in what is conventionally considered to be “IN SHAPE” but it didn’t matter . I was SO comfortable wearing just a BRA and DENIM SHORTS ! My BOOBS , my TUMMY , everything on display ! I didn’t feel one bit of INSECURITY or DISCOMFORT, on the contrary I was more confident than SWAPNIL ever was ! Today is the 1 year anniversary of my coming out publicly as a TRANGENDER woman and I want to thank everyone ! But beyond everyone I want to thank MYSELF , for being brave enough to live my truth even if it is at a later stage in my life ! Thanks to my bravery and the undying will to lead a meaningful life I finally get to BREATHE happily … and I’m enjoying each and every second of this freedom A FREEDOM that I’ve been PRIVILEGED enough to have achieved. Happy birthday to me :-)” </p>BCCL - Non CopyrightSaisha's family was very supportive of her decision but she faced difficulties getting an identity as a transwoman. At the grand premiere of Lock Upp, she shared that it was very difficult for her to get the identity as a transwoman in society and without identity, everything was difficult in life. She revealed that getting basic things done like finding a house for herself to getting her Aadhaar card made everything was tough. As she shared about these struggles she faced, Saisha stated that even though films are made and people talk about giving equal rights to the transgender community, in reality, things are very different because there is no acceptance in society.
In one of the recent episodes, Saisha also shared that she had visited some psychiatrists for advise before undergoing the surgery. Talking with her teammates, she shared, “I was very 'hatta khatta types.' So the first three psychiatrists told me, 'Yeh tum kya kar rahe ho, this is wrong. You are so dashing, handsome, you don't need to go through this. It is just a phase, yeh toh nikal jayega."
Saisha realised that she was interested in men at the age of 15. Confused about her identity, she took to therapy and at the age of 40, underwent the surgery and now proudly celebrated being a transwoman.
