Match report: Newcastle 2-1 Stoke
Match report: Liverpool 1-1 Burnley
Match report: West Brom 0-0 West Ham
Match report: Huddersfield 1-1 Leicester City
Match report: Watford 0-6 Manchester City
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Get yer Football Pink here!
That’s all for today’s clockwatch. Some match reports will appear here, as if by magic, in the next 10-20 minutes. You can also follow Spurs v Swansea with house genius Scott Murray’s live blog. Thanks for your company, night!
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Full time: Getafe 1-2 Barcelona
That’s an excellent victory for Barcelona, who showed they can win ugly. It takes them, for now at least, seven points clear of Real Madrid.
If Paulinho scores the winner i'll dedicate my account to Cristiano Ronaldo for an entire month
— Julian (@ElaficionadoFC) September 16, 2017
If Paulinho scores the winner I'll send everyone who Rts this $100
— AhWed (@Dembeledition) September 16, 2017
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GOAL! Getafe 1-2 Barcelona (Paulinho 83)
Getafe’s hopes and dreams have been smashed to smithereens. Paulinho has given Barcelona the lead moments after Arambarri hit the post at the other end.
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Barcelona are running out of time to get a winner at Getafe. While they endeavour to get one, here’s Scott Murray with the team news for Spurs v Swansea.
In fact, Getafe almost took the lead a moment ago when Mauro Arambarri’s shot was deflected onto a post!
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Millwall have beaten the Championship leaders Leeds 1-0, while Wolves’ 2-1 win at Nottingham Forest takes them up to second. The brilliant Diogo Jota scored both goals.
Full times: Liverpool 1-1 Burnley, West Brom 0-0 West Ham
All the Burnley players rush to congratulate the goalkeeper Nick Pope, whose grandchildren will get chapter and verse on the day he made his full Premier League debut at Anfield.
Full times: Watford 0-6 Manchester City; Newcastle 2-1 Stoke; Huddersfield 1-1 Leicester
City go top with a spectacular shellacking of Watford, while Newcastle’s third consecutive victory takes them into the top four.
“Luis Suárez has been spectacularly poor, and to has started throwing himself to the floor,” says Charles Antaki. “To cap it all he’s invited the referee to some kind of fist fight and got booked for his pains.”
When you score 15 goals in three games, people tend not to look at the cleanliness of your sheets. But those three consecutive clean sheets will make Pep Guardiola pretty happy. City have only conceded two goals in their six games so far this season.
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GOAL! Watford 0-6 Man City (Sterling 89 pen)
Raheem Sterling wins and scores a penalty at Vicarage Road to complete a spectacular afternoon’s work. City’s last three results: 5-0, 4-0, 6-0.
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Eric Choupo-Moting has missed a great chance to equalise for Stoke. They trail Newcastle 2-1 with a few minutes remaining.
Nick Pope keeps Burnley level at Anfield with two terrific saves.
Burnley almost take the lead at Anfield, where Ben Mee’s header is desperately saved by Simon Mignolet.
GOAL! Watford 0-5 Manchester City (Aguero 81)
Sergio Aguero gets his hat-trick, beating Heurelho Gomes with a crafty finish from a tight angle after a memorable solo run. City have been fifty shades of awesome and are on course for back-to-back 5-0 Premier League wins.
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GOAL! Getafe 1-1 Barcelona (D Suarez 62)
Denis Suarez, on for Andres Iniesta, has equalised for Barcelona after good work from Sergi Roberto.
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GOAL! Celtic 4-0 Ross County (Forrest 74)
Another one for James Forrest. This week sums up the strange limbo in which Celtic exist: beaten 5-0 in Europe, cruising 4-0 in the league.
GOAL! MIllwall 1-0 Leeds (O'Brien 73)
Aiden O’Brien scores from close range to give Millwall a deserved lead against Leeds, whose unbeaten run is in jeopardy.
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Liverpool are battering Burnley at Anfield, but the score is still 1-1.
Sound the Miss of the Season klaxon: Jamie Vardy has made a mess of an open goal from four yards. It’s still Huddersfield 1-1 Leicester
Ousmane Dembélé has a hamstring injury in his left leg, more tests are needed to find out the extent of the injury #FCBlive pic.twitter.com/tekYrp6AHQ
— FC Barcelona (@FCBarcelona) September 16, 2017
GOAL! Newcastle 2-1 Stoke (Lascelles 68)
Jamaal Lascelles, who scored the winner at Swansea last weekend, has headed Newcastle back into the lead!
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The West Brom keeper Ben Foster is booked for a studs-up tackle on Chicharito. It sounds like he is very lucky not to be sent off.
GOAL! Watford 0-4 Manchester City (Otamendi 63)
The assist machine Kevin de Bruyne cranks out another, crossing for Nicolas Otamendi to head into the net. Since the international break City have a combined score of 13-0 against Liverpool, Feyenoord and Watford.
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Full time: Bayern 4-0 Mainz 05 Two for Robben, two for Lewandowski.
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Sabiri has had a goal disallowed for Huddersfield against Leicester. My snouts tell me it was a pretty dubious decision.
West Brom v West Ham latest (it’s 0-0)
I've seen better games.
— Jacob Steinberg (@JacobSteinberg) September 16, 2017
GOAL! Newcastle 1-1 Stoke (Shaqiri 57)
Stoke are level through Xherdan Shaqiri, who places an excellent left-footed shot into the bottom corner.
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Burnley are still level at Anfield. They were hopeless away from home last year but this season they have had an exceptional start: a win at Chelsea, a draw at Spurs and now, potentially, a draw at Liverpool.
GOAL! Celtic 3-0 Ross County (Forrest 52)
Celtic are cruising to another SPL victory, with James Forrest putting them 3-0 ahead.
GOAL! Aberdeen 1-1 Kilmarnock (Jones 48)
Jordan Jones has scored a surprise equaliser for Kilmarnock at Pittodrie.
GOAL! Bayern Munich 4-0 Mainz 05 (Lewandowski 77)
A routine day at the office for Bayern is almost complete, with Robert Lewandowski getting his second.
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GOAL! Huddersfield 1-1 Leicester (Vardy 50 pen)
Jamie Vardy hammers Leicester level with his second penalty in consecutive games.
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Half time: Getafe 1-0 Barcelona
GOAL! Huddersfield 1-0 Leicester (Depoitre 46)
It’s taken a while but Huddersfield deserve this lead. Depoitre rolls Maguire and smacks the ball past Schmeichel. If it stays like this, Huddersfield will be third tonight. What a story!
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“Newcastle, Watford, Huddersfield, Burnley, all fighting over the Champions League places,” says Bill Hargreaves. “I think we all foresaw that.”
In a post-Leicester age, anything is possible in the best league in the world!
Legal disclaimer: anything is not actually possible.
Full time: Crotone 0-2 Internazionale
A late goal from Ivan Perisic sealed victory for Inter in a game so dull that it won’t even be used as tomorrow’s chip paper.
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GOAL! Getafe 1-0 Barcelona (Shibasaki 39)
A storming volley from Gaku Shibasaki gives Getafe the lead against Barcelona. That was more than a volley; it was a screamer.
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Topical half-time reading Well, sort of. With Aguero and Jesus running riot at Watford, let’s celebrate some great strike partnerships of yesteryear.
This is the Premier League table as things stand, with Newcastle up in fourth.
Whistles are going up and down the country. These are the scores in our, erm, featured games.
Premier League
- Huddersfield 0-0 Leicester
- Liverpool 1-1 Burnley
- Newcastle 1-0 Stoke
- Watford 0-3 Manchester City
- West Brom 0-0 West Ham
Championship
- Millwall 0-0 Leeds
Scottish Premiership
- Celtic 2-0 Ross County
La Liga
- Getafe 0-0 Barcelona
Bundesliga
- Bayern 3-0 Mainz
“Ousmane Dembele off for Barcelona, with the back-of-thigh-clutch suggesting a problem of the afternoon-ending variety,” says Charles Antaki. “Since Suarez has been more or less invisible, that leaves only Messi in the front line, who hasn’t done much yet. Getafe have successfully made it fairly snoozy all round.”
GOAL! Celtic 2-0 Ross County (Dembele 42)
Moussa Dembele scores on his return to the team with a nice curling shot, it says here.
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GOAL! Crotone 0-1 Internazionale (Škriniar 82)
Milan Škriniar has enlivened a dog of a game with a late goal.
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GOAL! Bayern 3-0 Mainz 05 (Lewandowski 60)
And in the Championship, Gary Hooper has given Sheffield Wednesday the lead at Cardiff.
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“Please keep us updated on the Klopp pantomime, Rob,” says Bill Hargreaves. “Are the teeth yet bared?”
We don’t, alas, have any way of watching the 3pm kick-offs. I know you can get illegal streams, but this is the Guardian, so we don’t publicly acknowledge our use of use dodgy feeds.
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GOAL! Watford 0-3 Manchester City (Jesus 37)
What comes after rampant? Whatever it is, that’s what City are at Vicarage Road. Gabriel Jesus, possibly offside, has made it 3-0. They’ve now scored 12 goals in the last two and a half games.
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If you’re into the whole European thing, a few scores of note
- Bayern 2-0 Mainz 05
- Getafe 0-0 Barcelona
- Crotone 0-0 Internazionale
It’s still Millwall 0-0 Leeds at the Den, though Millwall are well on top. You can get all the latest scores from the Football League by clicking this.
GOAL! Watford 0-2 Manchester City (Aguero 31)
City are rampant. David Silva’s cross finds its way to Sergio Aguero, who gets his second goal in five minutes.
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GOAL! Liverpool 1-1 Burnley (Salah 30)
Burnley have paid the price for tweaking the tiger’s tail. Liverpool took just four minutes to equalise, with the impressive Mo Salah getting the goal.
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At the Hawthorns, West Ham’s Pedro Obiang has hit the bar from 45 yards.
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GOAL! Watford 0-1 Manchester City (Aguero 27)
The postman has arrived at Vicarage Road: Kevin De Bruyne’s superb ball in is headed emphatically into the net by Sergio Aguero.
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GOAL! Liverpool 0-1 Burnley (Arfield 26)
Insert your own Arfield/Anfield pun here. For the second season in a row, Burnley take the lead at Anfield, this time thanks to excellent strike from Scott Arfield and some poor Liverpool defending.
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Richarlison has headed just wide for Watford in what sounds like an excellent game against Manchester City.
“Barça are wearing, so far as one can tell, a kit that’s homage to the immortal Coventry 1978 chocolate-wth-an-art-deco-yellow-stripe of the late 1970s,” says Charles Antaki. “They might not play quite the same way though.”
To frost or not to frost “Seen Andy Carroll?” asks JR in Illinois. “What on earth could he be thinking? Who has told him to frost his tips? Was it a dare, maybe? I understand a lot of footballers are drawn to silly hairdos but this is a bridge too far.”
I don’t really think it’s appropriate to ridicule another man for his haircut, a non-negotiable moral stance that has absolutely nothing to do with the recent discovery of photos of my tips circa 2002.
GOAL! Newcastle 1-0 Stoke (Atsu 19)
It was only a few weeks ago that Newcastle were vying for possession of the Premier League Crisis Baton™. Now they are flying, and Christian Atsu has given them the lead against Stoke.
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Still no goals in the 3pm Premier League games. But there is at least one and maybe four Manchester City goals in the post at Vicarage Road; they are all over Watford.
Aberdeen are no longer top of the as-it-stands table, because Tomas Rogic has given Celtic the lead against Ross County.
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Aberdeen have taken an early lead against Kilmarknock through Stevie May, and as it stands they are top of the table.
West Brom almost score after poor defending from Obiang. Gibbs denied by Reid block, though.
— Jacob Steinberg (@JacobSteinberg) September 16, 2017
Manchester City have started well in the top-of-the-table clash at Watford, with Fernandinho’s sweet-spotter saved by Heurelho Gomes.
The 3pm Premier League games are under way. Nothing has happened so far. You’re welcome!
GOAL! Bayern 2-0 Mainz (Robben 23)
Arjen Robben gets his second of the game - or his first, depending on how you feel about shots that are deflected off team-mates. What really matters - BECAUSE THERE’S NO I IN TEAM, IS THERE NOW - is that Bayern lead 2-0.
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And so to Italy, where the half-time score is Crotone 0-0 Internazionale. The match is flattered by that scoreline. I’m getting Como flashbacks.
GOAL! Bayern 1-0 Mainz (Robben 11)
That didn’t take long. Thomas Muller’s shot deflects off Arjen Robben to give Bayern an early lead.
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Laugh/cry dilemma
5 - Crystal Palace are the first side in English top-flight history to open the season with five defeats and no goals scored. Woe. pic.twitter.com/umoc2RwDdb
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) September 16, 2017
Plugs plugs plugs
- The Title, by our old friend Scott Murray, is a masterclass in how to write about football history.
- There To Be Shot At, the autobiography of no-cap wonder Tony Coton, is a cracking read so far (I only started it last night), and has a great Roy Keane story.
- Gentlemen & Sledgers, my history of the Ashes, has bugger all to do with football.
Full time: Crystal Palace 0-1 Southampton
Getafe v Barcelona team news
¡Ya conocemos el once elegido por José Bordalás para el partido frente al @FCBarcelona_es de esta tarde! #VamosGeta #GetafeBarcelona pic.twitter.com/Yrja3Kib7a
— Getafe C.F. (@GetafeCF) September 16, 2017
XI Barça:
— FC Barcelona (@FCBarcelona_es) September 16, 2017
1.Ter Stegen
3.Piqué
4.Rakitic
5.Sergio
8.Iniesta
9.Suárez
10.Messi
11.Dembélé
18.J.Alba
20.S.Roberto
23.Umtiti
🔴🔵 #ForçaBarça
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Huddersfield v Leicester team news
Huddersfield (4-2-3-1) Lossl; Smith, Zanka, Schindler, Lowe; Williams, Mooy; Kachunga, Ince, Sabiri; Depoitre.
Substitutes: Coleman, Hefele, Malone, Hogg, van La Parra, Billing, Quaner.
Leicester (4-4-2) Schmeichel; Simpson, Morgan, Maguire, Chilwell; Mahrez, King, Ndidi, Albrighton; Iheanacho, Vardy.
Substitutes: Hamer, Amartey, Dragovic, Iborra, Gray, Okazaki, Slimani.
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Newcastle v Stoke team news
Newcastle (4-2-3-1) Elliot; Yedlin, Mbemba, Lascelles, Clark; Hayden, Merino; Ritchie, Perez, Atsu; Joselu.
Substitutes: Woodman, Manquillo, Lejeune, Murphy, Shelvey, Diame, Gayle.
Stoke (3-4-2-1) Butland; Zouma, Martins Indi, Wimmer; Diouf, Allen, Fletcher, Pieters; Shaqiri, Choupo-Moting; Jese.
Substitutes: Grant, Tyman, Johnson, Adam, Sobhi, Berahino, Crouch.
Watford v Manchester City team news
Watford (4-3-3) Gomes; Janmaat, Kabasele, Mariappa, Holebas; Doucoure, Cleverley, Chalobah; Carrillo, Gray, Richarlison.
Substitutes: Karnezis, Wague, Zeegelaar, Capoue, Pereyra, Success, Deeney.
Manchester City (4-1-3-2) Ederson; Walker, Stones, Otamendi, Mendy; Fernandinho; De Bruyne, D Silva, Sterling; Jesus, Aguero.
Substitutes: Bravo, Danilo, Mangala, Delph, Gundogan, B Silva, Sane.
West Brom v West Ham team news
West Brom (4-2-3-1) Foster; Dawson, Hegazi, Evans, Gibbs; Barry, Krychowiak; Morrison, Phillips, Brunt; Rodriguez.
Substitutes: Myhill, Nyom, McAuley, Yacob, McClean, Rondon, Robson-Kanu.
West Ham (3-4-1-2) Hart; Collins, Reid, Fonte; Zabaleta, Kouyate, Obiang, Cresswell; Antonio; Carroll, Chicharito.
Substitutes: Adrian, Ogbonna, Masuaku, Rice, Ayew, Arnautovic, Sakho.
Liverpool v Burnley team news, aka the return of Philippe Coutinho
Liverpool (4-3-3) Mignolet; Alexander-Arnold, Matip, Klavan, Robertson; Milner, Can, Coutinho; Salah, Firmino, Sturridge.
Substitutes: Karius, Lovren, Moreno, Wijnaldum, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Solanke, Henderson.
Burnley (4-4-1-1) Pope; Lowton, Tarkowski, Mee, Ward; Gudmundsson, Cork, Defour, Brady; Arfield, Wood.
Substitutes: Legzdins, Long, Bardsley, Westwood, Walters, Barnes, Vokes.
The first email of the day!
“Glad to learn that Oldham Athletic are also in action!” says Michael Lavin. “Ooo Rogert Palmer.”
They’ll always have a place in the nostalgia chamber of my heart. The best book I’ll never write is on their 1989-90 team.
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Bayern v Mainz 05 team news
Bayern Munich (4-2-3-1) Neuer; Kimmich, Boateng, Hummels, Rafinha; Vidal, Thiago; Robben, Müller, Coman; Lewandowski.
Substitutes: Ulreich, Sule, Ribery, Martinez, James, Rudy, Tolisso.
Mainz 05 (5-2-2-1) Adler; Donati, Bell, Diallo, Balogun, Brosinski; Frei, Serdar; De Blasis, Öztunali; Quaison.
Substitutes: Zentner, Latza, Muto, Maxim, Fischer, Jairo, Gbamin.
Preamble
Hello. It’s Saturday! It’s the afternoon! It’s Clockwatch o’clock! Whether you prefer to watch the clock or clock the watch, this is the place for you. (This or one of the 427 other clockwatches available on the information superhighway, but let’s not dwell on that.) There are some cracking fixtures around Europe, the pick of which is in dear old Hertfordshire. Watford and Manchester City, two of the three remaining unbeaten sides in the Premier League, meet at Vicarage Road. If Watford win they will go top of the top division for only the second time in their history and the first since, of course, 1982.
What else? Principle Cole, I’ll show you what else. Liverpool may or may not take the frustration of a bad week out on Burnley, while Huddersfield can move back into the top four with a win over Leicester. Celtic, Barcelona, Bayern, Internazionale and Oldham Athletic are also in action.
There are hundreds of games across Europe, in fact, and you can get the latest news from most of them with our dedicated Live Scores page. The human brain only has the capacity to concentrate on 8.24 per cent of those matches, and these are the ones to which we’ll be paying particular attention:
Premier League
- Huddersfield v Leicester
- Liverpool v Burnley
- Newcastle v Stoke
- Watford v Manchester City
- West Brom v West Ham
Championship
- Millwall v Leeds
Scottish Premiership
- Celtic v Ross County
La Liga
- Getafe v Barcelona (3.15pm)
Bundesliga
- Bayern v Mainz (2.30pm)
3pm kick-offs unless stated.
Before the fun starts, you can follow the return of Uncle Roy with Scott Murray.
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