Full-time: Liverpool 1-0 Bournemouth
I believe we have witnessed poetry in motion tonight. Thanks for reading. Bye.
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90 min+2: The less said about Milner’s free-kick, the better.
90 min+1: There will be four minutes of stoppage time. Alberto Moreno relieves some of the pressure with a demented solo charge down the left, which ends with Cook chopping him down on the edge of the area. Cook goes into the book.
90 min: Benteke goes so close to scoring his second goal of the night. Milner sped down the right and chipped the ball into the area. It fell to Benteke, who scuffed his shot into the ground and up on to the bar. Lallana blazed the rebound high and wide.
89 min: Russell Brady has a question. “Is Charlie Daniels revealing himself as an excellent rampaging fullback to make us forget these lyrics he came up with?
“Fire on the mountain, run boys, run
The Devil’s in the House of the Rising Sun
Chicken in the bread pan pickin’ at dough
Granny does your dog bite? No child, no”
87 min: Dan Gosling, Liverpool’s Tic Tac slayer in 2009, comes on for O’Kane. Bournemouth have a throw. Francis Delaps it in. Cook heads it on, Tomlin strains and heads straight at Mignolet. “Any confidence from these two unconvincing wins will be destroyed by the inevitable defeat at Arsenal and that run of away fixtures after that,” weeps Patrick Crumlish.
86 min: Cook gets his head to Ritchie’s corner. It flicks off Tomlin’s bonce and loops just over the bar.
85 min: Tomlin spins in the area and sees his shot deflected behind for a corner on the right. Bournemouth won’t give up.
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84 min: Liverpool have not done much in either of their two games so far to sugges that they are capable of breaking into the top four. Then again, two 1-0 wins - if it stays this way - will at least serve to increase their confidence and give them room to improve.
81 min: Both sides make changes. Bournemouth bring on Adam Smith for Max Gradel, Liverpool bring on Alberto Moreno for Coutinho.
80 min: Daniels links up wonderfully with Gradel on the left and wins a corner. Liverpool are annoyed. They reckon it came off Daniels last. Gradel sends it to the near post, but Cook’s glancing header drifts wide.
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77 min: Lee Tomlin, who may well be the new Charlie Adam, is booked for pulling back Adam Lallana. This one is more obvious than Ritchie’s caution.
76 min: Matt Ritchie is booked for bundling Emre Can over. It’s a soft yellow card.
75 min: Joe Gomez is booked. “Ok, I’ll add the caveat ‘Do any normal footballers kill a ball more beautifully’?” says Matt Dony.
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74 min: Benteke hustles his way into space down the left. Bournemouth are exposed for the first time. Benteke sprays it inside to Coutinho, who’s in space on the edge of the area, but the excellent Charlie Daniels steams across to deny him.
73 min: “Win, lose or draw today, only a fool would back Bournemouth to be relegated this year on this evidence,” says Mark Turner. “Very attractive Association Football.” What they have lacked in both games so far is a cutting edge in the final third.
72 min: Milner hangs a cross to the far post from the right. It’s headed away but the ball drops to Coutinho, who smells blood. Luckily for Bournemouth, Surman is in the right place at the right time and blocks his shot.
70 min: Coutinho plays a one-two with Benteke, shoots and sends the ball off in the direction of Stanley Park. That’s the cue for Liverpool to bring on Roberto Firmino for Jordon Ibe.
68 min: Coutinho plonks his free-kick straight into the wall. “Lallana has been too inconsistent and too often ineffective, but he does have a ridiculous first touch,” says Matt Dony. “Does anyone kill a ball more beautifully?” Messi? Iniesta? Dimitri Payet?
67 min: Another questionable decision from the officials gifts Liverpool a free-kick on the edge of the Bournemouth area. Ibe was tackled by Cook and there was nothing Charlie Daniels, who was a few yards away, could do to stop the ball hitting his arm when it rebounded. But the linesman remembered how to use his flag this time.
66 min: Ritchie whips the corner into the middle from the right. Mignolet punches it away. Gradel retrieves the ball on the left and finds Daniels. His awkward low cross is claimed by Mignolet. The only thing missing for Bournemouth in the second half has been that final telling blow.
65 min: Bournemouth pour forward again. Gradel storms inside. He’s halted. But Bournemouth won’t stop. Ritchie shoots from 20 yards. Deflection. Corner.
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63 min: Bournemouth are dominating. Ritchie drills a pass through to Wilson. He turns and brilliantly nutmegs Lovren with a pass through to the onrushing O’Kane. He’s just forced a tad wide, though, and his shot from the right side of the area trundles into the side netting. “Don’t think we’ve been very impressive since, oh, late April 2014 or something,” says Simon Staffans.
61 min: Bournemouth bring on Lee Tomlin for his debut. The former Middlesbrough schemer replaces Joshua King.
60 min: Bournemouth hit the post! Charlie Daniels drove inside from the left and bobbled a pass across the edge of the area. It eluded Wilson but ran to Ritchie, who blasted one with his left foot towards the left corner. The ball flew off his boot like a Chelsea doctor running on to the field of play to treat an injured player, only to bang against the post and behind for a goal-kick. Mignolet was surely beaten.
59 min: How long before it’s acceptable to say that Liverpool haven’t been very impressive?
57 min: Ritchie cuts on to his left foot and curls a high cross to the far post. Mignolet looks uncertain but manages to punch it behind for a corner. Gradel’s effort is headed away at the near post by Lallana.
55 min: Benteke hares after a long ball down the left. He outmuscles and outpaces Elphick, who can’t even succeed in his attempts to bring him down. Benteke finds Ibe, who twists down the left and fires a cross into the area. Milner sweeps it wide at the near post. Liverpool are stirring again.
53 min: Emre Can is down clutching his head after taking an accidental boot in the face from King. “Is it just me, or does Ibe’s bag of tricks basically consist of running straight quite fast, slowing down play while attempting and failing at beating his man one on one, falling over, and shooting very far off target?” wonders Bryan Tisinger. Give him time, I suppose. He’s young.
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52 min: Liverpool make their first change. Jordan Gerrard has an injury and he’s replaced by Emre Can. The armband is passed to James Milner. Then comes a spot of farce. Lallana goes to take the corner on the left and falls over right in front of the Bournemouth fans. Oh dear. He dusts himself down, shakes off the embarrassment and gets on with it, but his corner is headed away.
51 min: Jordon Ibe locates the top tier with a shot from the left. Then Coutinho burrows towards the Bournemouth area and sees a shot deflected wide.
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50 min: Now it’s Wilson’s turn to have a pop from the edge of the area. Joe Gomez blocks it and the ball spins off his legs and up on to his hands. Bournemouth appeal for a penalty, but they know they’re trying it on.
49 min: Bournemouth have started the half positively. There are nerves in the Liverpool defence. Wilson holds off Lovren and feeds Ritchie on the right. He beats Lallana far too easily and tries to bend one into the far corner with his left foot. He tries and he fails.
47 min: Matt Ritchie has been quiet so far, but here he shows a glimpse of the threat he poses, ducking past a couple of challenges in the middle and then whacking a low shot straight at Mignolet from 25 yards.
46 min: Off we go again. There have been no changes. Or have there? I could be lying to you, just for the sheer hell of it.
“Craig Pawson = “a crap snow pig”, which just goes to show that subliminal anagramical nominative determinism is a thing,” says Richard Hooker. “I haven’t seen a referee this abject since Andre Marriner presided over Chelsea v.WBA a couple of years ago.”
Looking at the replays of Benteke’s goal again, the decision not to rule it out was ludicrous. Coutinho clearly put Boruc off. “They cock about with the offside rule every year, and they don’t make it any better” says Gary Neville.
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Half-time: Liverpool 1-0 Bournemouth
A watchable half draws to a close. Bournemouth walk off seething at Tommy Elphick’s disallowed goal and Christian Benteke’s offside strike being allowed to stand. Referees, eh?
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45 min: There will be one minute of added time.
44 min: It should be 2-0. Coutinho tries a one-two with Milner. It bounces off a Bournemouth leg, back into his path, and he slides his shot a few yards wide of the right post with his left foot. He had a clear sight of goal.
42 min: Clyne jabs a perceptive slide-rule pass down the inside-right challenge for Lallana. His shot is deflected behind for a corner. Lallana whips it in, Lovren completely misses his kick.
40 min: A lull.
37 min: Liverpool appeal for a penalty as Henderson goes down in the area under a hasty challenge from Gradel. There wasn’t quite enough in it, though, and Henderson quickly gets back to his feet and crosses. It’s headed away.
34 min: Bournemouth look miffed. They’re even more annoyed when O’Kane is booked for doing not very much at all to Coutinho. Craig Pawson is a joker. “Mario Balotelli is an anagram of Labial Mire Tool,” says Matt Dony. “Which suggests something rather unpleasant...”
33 min: “Two games into the season and how many atrocious decisions is that we have seen already?” says Colin Livingstone. “All this investment in the game and the standard of refereeing gets worse with every year. Bournemouth 1 Liverpool 0 is the correct core in this game. So harsh on them.”
31 min: The goal has sparked Liverpool into life. Benteke combines with Coutinho, whose shot from 25 yards is deflected wide. Nothing comes from the corner. “Bournemouth must be wondering if they’ve rocked up at Anfield in the 80s with this kind of refereeing,” says Adam Hirst.
29 min: Liverpool want a second. Jordan Henderson takes aim from 30 yards, a one-touch whipped effort from a standing effort whooshing just over Boruc’s goal.
GOAL! Liverpool 1-0 Bournemouth (Benteke, 26 min)
He gets a cross, he scores a goal, but it shouldn’t stand. This is an absolute disgrace. Bournemouth cleared a corner, but the ball came to Henderson on the left. He whipped a dangerous cross back into the area. A couple of Liverpool players were offside and Coutinho was one of them, around five yards offside. One of them left it, but Coutinho went for the ball in the middle and the flag should have gone up. He missed it, but the ball bounced through to Benteke, who was onside, and he knocked it in from close range. That is awful from the linesman. Bournemouth have had a seemingly good goal disallowed and trail to an offside one. Welcome to the Premier League.
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25 min: The cameraman locates a sullen Mario Balotelli in the crowd. The top few buttons on his white shirt are unbuttoned and he’s wearing one very garish earring on his right ear. What a man.
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24 min: Bournemouth’s first mistake of the evening, a loose pass from O’Kane that goes straight to Benteke, is almost punished. Benteke turns and shoots from 25 yards, but it flashes well wide in the end.
22 min: Wilson, dangerous and intelligent, goes on another mazy dribble down the right. He gets into the area and tries to find Gradel. Not quite. But Bournemouth continue to attack. Here comes Daniels. He zaps a low cross towards the near post again and Skrtel’s duff attempt at a clearance sees the ball run through to Wilson. He’s surprised it reaches him, though, and the ball clatters away from him and behind for a goal-kick. If he’d been a touch sharper, he might have been able to turn Lovren and get a shot away.
19 min: “Slightly puzzled about all this ‘Belgian Andy Carroll wot can’t live without crosses’ talk,” says Philip Podolsky. “The Benteke of 2012-13 was highly skillful and had a great first touch. Haven’t seen too much of him since but he could not have deteriorated that much surely?” He’s certainly more dangerous on the ground than Carroll. He’s not a one-trick lummox (not that I’m saying Carroll is). But will Liverpool’s style suit the way he plays? It will be interesting to see how it pans out. What made Liverpool so good when Suarez played was not just his ability IN AND AROUND the box, but his all-round movement, the way that he could pull defenders all over the place and create space for his team-mates, especially Sterling. It’s not entirely fair to compare him with Suarez, but Benteke will stick to the centre much more.
17 min: A long ball over the top of the Bournemouth defence from Coutinho almost picks out Benteke’s run. The ball just skips away from Benteke, but Liverpool will be in business if Coutinho starts to run the show. There have been a couple of positive signs in the past few minutes. “Mac Millings knows how to plumb the depths for sure, so he’d be at the front of the queue with Sting to rescue me or Timmy O’Toole,” says Gary Naylor. “Groundskeeper Willie was the mainman in that rescue - I’ve always felt he was based on Billy Bremner. Are any other much loved animated characters possibly based on 70s footballers? (I’ll give you Glenn Quagmire and Frank Worthington for a start).”
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14 min: This is better from Liverpool. Coutinho slips a pass inside Daniels, spotting Clyne’s burst forward. Clyne’s cross is cleared. “I know that kit manufacturers are looking for the next big thing, but does that excuse Bournemouth’s outfit?” says Charles Antaki. “In the close-ups it seems to have the sheen and style of a scuba-diver’s wetsuit, raffishly cut off at the arm and thigh. Preparing themselves for the depths, maybe.”
12 min: But maybe they’re just nervous about what they’re watching. Bournemouth are on top and Liverpool aren’t at the races. Gradel pinches the ball on the left and it takes Skrtel to stop him with a last-ditch challenge inside the area. Another corner, then, Bournemouth’s fourth already. Gradel takes it again. It’s a better delivery this time and King heads sharply over at the near post. Liverpool could do with waking up.
11 min: The Bournemouth fans are getting plenty of material out of Anfield’s lack of atmosphere. The home fans could be louder.
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10 min: Gradel disappoints with another set-piece, this time a free-kick from the left that floats harmlessly behind for a corner.
9 min: “Not to second-guess Gary Neville, but aren’t all signings gambles?” says Peter Oh. Kind of. But not always. There are degrees. I’d suggest that City knew what they were getting when they signed Sergio Aguero.
7 min: Bournemouth shake off the disappointment of that disallowed goal and continue to press. The lively Wilson wins another corner. Elphick goes up again. But this time Gradel’s corner is a waste. “Well, that didn’t last long,” says Bryan Tisinger. “Lovren has returned to the form of last season.”
5 min: This match is so open. The ball breaks down the right for Bournemouth and suddenly Wilson has space to run into. He isolates Lovren, skips round him and makes towards goal. He’s got no support, though, and settles for a corner. In it goes - and Tommy Elphick bounces a header past Simon Mignolet and into the net! Bournemouth have their first Premier League goal! Or so it seems. Craig Pawson has other ideas. The referee blows his whistle and rules the goal out, supposedly because Elphick was pulling Lovren’s shirt. That is extremely harsh. I think he’s bottled that. There was very little in it.
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4 min: This is already entertaining. Now Liverpool spring forward, Lallana darting inside from the right and threatening to charge through on goal. Elphick concedes a corner. It’s headed away to the edge of the area but only as far as Skrtel. He lays it back to Ibe, who slashes one wide from 18 yards.
3 min: Bournemouth take the corner short. Eventually it’s headed away by Lallana, who actually started his career with Bournemouth.
2 min: Bournemouth will be positive. They know no other way. Charlie Daniels roars down the left and fizzes a low cross towards Wilson. It’s cleared for a corner.
And we’re off! Liverpool, all in red, get us underway. They’re attacking from left to right in the first half. Bournemouth are in blue shirts that get progressively darker the lower down the body they go. Black shorts, black shorts. I hope that’s all clear. “Maxim Demin is surely the thinly disguised alter ego of I’m Max Denim, The Bluejean King,” parps David Studer.
Here come the teams! Soon, we will have football. The visiting Bournemouth fans look excited and so they should be. It’s time for the ceremonial shaking of hands.
Over on Sky, Gary Neville is suggesting that signing Christian Benteke is a gamble. He reckons he might be too erratic and that he lacks the technical ability to lead the line for Liverpool. It’s true that he does thrive on crosses. Will Liverpool provide him with the right services or are we looking at another Andy Carroll situation?
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“My summer as Gary Naylor’s wellness instructor was cut short by finding the well occupied by Mac Millings,” says Ian Copestake.
Was Sting down there with him?
“The mysteriously named Maxim Demin seems to be an anagram of “me mix admin “ which suggests the club is run as a hobby by someone foreign who also has another job,” says Ian Copestake. How’s your summer been, Ian?
The teams!
Liverpool, with Roberto Firmino on the bench again: Mignolet; Clyne, Skrtel, Lovren, Gomez; Milner, Henderson; Ibe, Coutinho, Lallana; Benteke. Subs: Toure, Firmino, Moreno, Can, Origi, Ings, Bogdan.
Bournemouth, with Max Gradel in for Marc Pugh: Boruc; Francis, Elphick, Cook, Daniels; Ritchie, O’Kane, Surman, Gradel; King; Wilson. Subs: Gosling, Pugh, Mings, Smith, Federici, Tomlin, Distin.
Referee: Craig Pawson (South Yorkshire)
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“Of course, Liverpool aren’t the team we were in 1968 either,” says Lou Roper. “With how much foreboding must we await the unfolding of ‘BR’s genius’ (TM Brendan Rodgers) tonight? At least, Gary McAllister waits in the wings.”
With Gerrard gone, Liverpool do need a man who can take a mean free-kick. I assume that’s what you meant by the Gary Mac reference?
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Preamble
Bournemouth’s admittedly limited record at Anfield makes for grim reading. They haven’t been in L4 since 30 January 1968, a lower league side hoping to cause an FA Cup third-round upset on a wintry Tuesday evening. After all Bournemouth had held the mighty Liverpool to a 0-0 draw at Dean Court, so they were not completely without hope. Except they were. This was Anfield. Liverpool won 4-1 thanks to goals Tony Hateley, Peter Thompson, Roger Hunt and Chris Lawler, and it was a long journey home for Bournemouth, not that it was anything they had not experienced in those parts before. Their only other appearance at Anfield came in near-identical circumstances: they held Liverpool to a 1-1 draw in the third round of the FA Cup at Dean Court on 8 January 1927 and then lost 4-1 on Merseyside four days later, a hat-trick from Harry Chambers doing the damage. Oof.
And that’s pretty much it as far as Bournemouth’s relationship with this famous old ground is concerned. Two games, two defeats, eight goals conceded, only two scored. It’s not much too shout about, although it’s not too much to go on. Bournemouth aren’t quite the side they were back in 1968. Indeed they’re almost unrecognisable from the side they were in 2008, when they began the 2008-09 season on minus 17 points. Minus 17! They were nailed on to go down. And then what?
But then Eddie Howe happened. Eddie Howe was there. He led them to safety, then into League One, then into the Championship, and now, for the first time in Bournemouth’s history, into the Premier League. The backing from their mysterious Russian owner, Maxim Demin, has helped their rise, but they would have not pulled this off without Howe. The team has grown under him, players have improved and he is built a reputation as the brightest young manager in England (he’s very young). Could Bournemouth spring a surprise tonight? Perhaps not - Bournemouth didn’t really get close to Liverpool when they hosted them in the FA Cup and the Capital One Cup last year. Yet they did not look out of place in the Premier League in their tight defeat to Aston Villa last weekend. Liverpool will need to be on their game.
Still, Brendan Rodgers’s men will be feeling pretty good about themselves after their cathartic 1-0 win over Stoke City last week. They did not play particularly well and it took a stunner from Philippe Coutinho to separate the sides but after yet a summer of change, no one could be too sniffy at a victory at one of the toughest grounds to visit in the league. Not many teams leave Stoke with all three points and Liverpool were gubbed 6-1 there back in May, so the mood has been lifted a little. Raheem Sterling and Steven Gerrard have gone, but bringing in Nathaniel Clyne and James Milner looks like astute business, while Christian Benteke could well be the man to solve last season’s problems in front of goal. Liverpool look well equipped to finish, er, well, fifth.
Kick-off: 8pm BST.
