Many people are choosing to remain child-free these days and their choices should be respected.
The sea is on fire, living and fuel costs are unmanageable, we’ve just clawed our way through a global pandemic, climate change, over population, the cost of childcare, inequality, bullying, mental health issues and more. There are a million reasons why more and more people these days are choosing not to pursue parenthood. And who could blame them? Except, sadly, we still do.
Children don’t fit into every lifestyle. Not everyone wants to start their day by being screamed at in the face, or to have to jump out of bed before they’ve enjoyed sufficient rest like they’re enduring some sort of torture tactic.
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Society has shifted dramatically for women over the last 50 years, but there’s still a taboo around women who don’t desire to be parents.
Some of the most alarming responses my friends have received when they tell people they don’t plan to have children include:
“Who will look after you when you’re old?”
Bold of you to think you can raise a child that will still be so committed to you in later life, and also have the time and resources to care for you.
“Your partner will resent you”
Sure, they’ve probably not discussed their visions of the future with their partner. Thanks for the warning!
“What a waste of a woman’s body.”
Wow! It’s 2022 and we’re still just a walking uterus to some people.
“You’ll die alone.”
But what if you die surrounded by the most wonderful friends and lovers with whom you’ve enjoyed the most fulfilling relationships? Also, lots of people who have children, still die alone!
“The life of a women over 30 without kids, is pointless.”
Well that’s just rude, and simply untrue.
“You’ll never know what it’s like to be a real woman.”
Just walk away from this person. They’re clearly angry about something else.
“So, you’re gay?”
Grow up! Plenty of LGBTQ+ couples have children.
“So if you and your husband got pregnant now you’d have an abortion?”
Outrageous! Who would even spend their delicious free time thinking about an issue like that, unless they were really facing it?
“Your parents will be so disappointed.”
So what’s new? Living your life to please your parents is an unfulfilling, thankless and frankly, a never ending task.
“Who will you leave your stuff to when you die?”
Anyone you like! There are loads of fantastic causes that require financial support. Assuming you’ve been fortunate enough to acquire any assets before you pass, that is.
“You just haven’t met the one” or “What a shame you’ll never feel proper love”
Children don’t always equate to the endless and unconditional love that we’re sold in movies. Between postpartum depression, exhaustion, financial strain and teenagers who may make terrible choices, there’s lots of room to feel anything but overwhelmed with love. There are lots of parents out there who are far from happy. Please don’t ever think a baby will bring you endless happiness or fix a relationship.
Having a baby is like having a bomb go off in your house and trying to put your entire life together piece by piece, while being in a competition to live on as little money as possible, while also staying awake for a year.
Go on holiday, lie in, enjoy your coffee and your life in peace, knowing you’ve made the perfect decision for YOU! We're all different and that's not a bad thing.
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