Liverpool in the Europa League

'Liverpool away to Sheriff Tiraspol is probably just as appealing as the other [BAD WORD] they serve up as TV entertainment,' reckons Andrew Ferguson Photograph: n/a/guardian.co.uk

'Deep down, Stevie G knew this was a career low,' rumbles Jason Froggett Photograph: n/a/n/a

Paul Bergin gives us a few more Mickeys Photograph: n/a/n/a

'Fear not, Rafa Boromir, for we shall assemble a fellowship of under-11 overachievers to join you in disappointment!' consoles Arsene the Grey in Dave Lee's imagination Photograph: n/a/guardian.co.uk

'And so another European campaign kicks off in the Anfield boot room with the race to beat The Kop to the cheap away flights,' sighs Brian Corcoran Photograph: n/a/n/a

'After being bounced from the group stages of the Champions League, Fernando Torres and Yossi Benayoun travel back to Europe to save Rafa's future,' giggles Brian Flynn Photograph: n/a/n/a

'Haunted by injuries, Rafa Benítez could not find a player who knew the driving directions to Timişoara,' chuckles Gur Ilany Photograph: n/a/guardian.co.uk

'Forget the Europa League, Liverpool's best chance to win in Europe is Eurovision,' honks Stephen Garman Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Things have gone from bad to worse on Merseyside. After having to sell his star players in the January transfer window, Liverpool's new manager Neil Warnock had to bulk up his squad with a few bargain basement has-beens,' predicts Keith Lyons Photograph: n/a/guardian.co.uk

'The fallout from dropping out of the Champions League continued as the transport budget was slashed for Europa League Matches,' says Tom Dawson Photograph: n/a/guardian.co.uk

'After playing like robots so far, Rafa will have to use his pocket calculator to add up the miles on the autobahn if Liverpool reach the neon lights of Hamburg in the final.' Ben Stokes somehow shoehorns Kraftwerk into this week's entries Photograph: n/a/guardian.co.uk

'In the land of submarines, Captain Benítez and his crew sets sail to places unknown. Full speed ahead,' ahoys Thomas Nycz-Losi Photograph: n/a/guardian.co.uk

Matthew Pearson reckons Rafa had some reassuring words for young Stevie and Uncle Tom: 'This time next year, we'll be Champions' Photograph: n/a/guardian.co.uk