Talking about your own death can sound morbid. And it is fair to say most people don’t like discussing it.
Sue Barsky Reid, a psychoanalyst, is keen to change this mindset. Aiming to combat people's fears, Sue puts on Death Cafe events in Liverpool.
This is where people talk about their own or others' mortality. Nothing is promoted and no-one tries to sell anything. It’s exclusively about the end of life.
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On the face of it, it sounds dark. But Sue said speaking about your own mortality can be life enhancing, providing you with the tools to appreciate the simple pleasures in life. That’s why she brings sweet treats to every meeting, which are meant to be symbolic of one of life's understated joys.
People get close emotionally to one another, Sue added, and form tight friendships within just a couple of hours. The atmosphere is relaxed and everyone is given room to talk or blurt out whatever they're thinking.
She reminded the ECHO that Death Cafes aren’t solely hosted in coffee shops, either. They can be sprung up from anywhere, whether it be in a library, dining room, pub or even a hospice.
Sue told the ECHO: “We are all going to die, that is all we have in common. Thinking about death can help you make good use of the time you have.
“[At the meetings] I have laughed, I have cried, I have been horrified. People do get upset and grieve for people who have died. People can get very close in that short time.
“It’s very life enhancing to talk about death and to appreciate it.”
Sue, 80, took over Liverpool’s Death Cafe in tragic circumstances. In 2017 her son Jonathan unknowingly developed Leukaemia and died of a brain haemorrhage. He left behind a partner and two young children.
But Jon was instrumental in bringing Death Cafes to the UK, according to Sue, and his legacy can be found at any of the 2,817 hubs set up in the country.
Jon was inspired by Bernard Crettaz, a Swiss sociologist, who founded Cafe Mortel and hosted events in Switzerland and France. The Chester-born lad grew fascinated by the idea and the European academic, and made it his life's work to import the concept from the Continent.
In 2011 Jon put on the UK’s first Death Cafe in his living room, where people chatted about death, drank tea and coffee and ate cake.
Sue told the ECHO: “Jon was a devout Buddhist. He wanted people to appreciate their lives.
“[Running the place] helps me keep me in touch with Jon in some ways, I want to keep that link with him going. It makes me feel closer to him. As a mother, I am never going to get over the loss of my son.”
At least 75% of people who come to her events are women, according to Sue, and are disproportionately younger. This fits in line with the statistics, which found Gen Z more willing to talk about death than any other generation.
There are 14,000 Death Cafes across the world in 81 countries, according to figures.
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