In recent weeks, Danny Alexander has appeared to be the last remaining member of the government to actually believe the coalition exists. George Osborne has long since stopped pretending he consults his Tory colleagues, let alone the Lib Dems, and now openly talks of “my long term economic plan” leaving the chief secretary to the Treasury in the awkward position of trying to claim the credit for policies he hasn’t had any influence over and doesn’t really believe in.
At Treasury questions, he gave up the unequal struggle. As the chancellor made a lame gag about the resignation of Lib Dem Norman Baker – “There is now a vacancy for a conspiracy theorist at the Home Office; the shadow chancellor should apply” – Alexander made a point of laughing loudest. Self-preservation has become the Lib Dem watchword and the chief secretary has now decided that snuggling up tight under the Tory duvet is his best option. For the time being.
With everyone behind him now firmly in his pocket, there are few limits to Osborne’s increasing megalomania. He now treats the shadow chancellor, Ed Balls, as he would a ticket collector in first-class: an irritating interruption to the important business of Being George.
Wobbling with excitement that he might at last have found the killer question to derail the chancellor, Balls asked him why it was that he had failed to tell the prime minister about the £1.7bn bill from the EU for a couple of days. Osborne yawned and rattled off the precise timetable: the gist being that there was obviously no reason to tell David Cameron because he was only the prime minister. Balls hurriedly searched for a follow-up as no one on his team had prepared for the possibility that the chancellor might tell the truth. “Was he not asleep at the wheel?” he said eventually. This is the parliamentary equivalent of “Like your Mum”.
If the chancellor had been dozing, Balls must have taken a couple of Mogadon. The question he had asked had been last week’s news anyway and no one was particularly bothered by it any more. A question about the presentation of the data on government spending that the Treasury is sending to all taxpayers would have been a great deal more awkward. Perhaps the shadow chancellor is saving that one for next month.
The zombie parliament is getting to everyone. Especially the opposition, which has now almost unanimously accepted the government narrative that Labour was the sole cause of all the country’s economic problems. The coalition meanwhile continues to exonerate itself of any blame for anything; asked why the deficit is still much higher than promised, junior minister Angela Leadsom answered, “it had been impacted by external shocks”.
The regal Leadsom was the perfect medium for this particular message, as she is the coalition’s embodiment of do as I say, not as I do. Despite dabbling in off-shore banking arrangements and schemes to avoid inheritance on her own account, she demands rather more of her loyal subjects. “I cannot believe Labour is upset that so many young people are getting the chance to work for next to nothing,” she said, with what appeared to be genuine external shock. More worrying, Balls also seemed to be considering she might have a point.
