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Belfast Live
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Jane Corscadden

Lisburn man setting up football team to help men grieve after baby loss

A man from Lisburn is setting up a football team to help other men process their grief after baby loss.

Wayne Nelson's daughter, Paige, was stillborn ten years ago, and he is now setting up a Sands United team in Lisburn to help other grieving men cope with their loss.

Sands United FC is a unique way for dads and other bereaved family members to come together through a shared love of sport and find a support network where they can feel at ease talking about their grief when they're ready.

Read more: East Belfast girl honoured for her bravery during long cancer battle

The teams also commemorate their babies' all too brief lives by proudly displaying their names on the kit worn for every match.

Throughout the UK, there are currently 34 Sands United teams, including six in Northern Ireland. There are Sands United teams in Lisburn, Larne, Belfast, Derry, Enniskillen, and Dungannon.

Wayne told Belfast Live why he decided to get involved with Sands in setting up a football team.

He said: "My daughter was born sleeping at 30 weeks. We have three other kids, and they were all premature. I would've liked to say Paige would have been the healthiest out of all four of them, but yet somehow she didn't survive. She would've been ten now. It's just heartbreaking.

"But I never spoke about my feelings to my wife, and until this day she's never known fully how I feel as I just bottle it all up. I've heard stories from other Sands teams, in Belfast and Derry, that the men do come together and talk about it. They're not rushed into talking about it, they'll talk whenever they're ready.

"I don't know whether I'll ever come out and tell people how I really feel about it all. It is heartbreaking and I do think about her everyday, but it is God's way - God wanted her and that was it.

"But you do sit and think 'what if', like what would she have done in primary school? She would have been going to secondary school soon, it's just crazy to think.

"I want to do something for her. I like and follow football, but I couldn't tell you the first thing about how to coach people in a team, it's all new to me. But this will be worthwhile to take part in for my daughter. At the end of the day, everything I do with it will be for her."

Sands United Lisburn (Sands United Lisburn/Facebook)

Wayne's wife, Gillian, said being involved in the team is important as men can often bottle up their feelings to appear "strong" following a bereavement.

"He doesn't want to say anything to me or in front of the kids, because he's trying to be strong for us, which I think is what most men feel," she said.

"That they're deemed to be the strong ones, to be there to support, but not to be supported. That's why something like this is so needed."

Wayne is hoping to create a safe space where grieving men can feel supported by their teammates, even if they don't feel ready to open up about their grief.

He added: "I can't wait to start it. Even if people don't want to open up, they know they'll be surrounded by other men who have experienced something they've experienced too. They don't have to talk, we know why they're there."

Sands United Lisburn will have their first training session on Wednesday, April 6, from 7-8pm at Lisnagarvey High School.

You can find out more about the team and get involved by clicking here.

Read more: Daniel O'Donnell's fitting farewell on anniversary of Antrim woman's death

Read more: Belfast mum's brush with cancer has given her a new perspective

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