Packing a whole afternoon's worth of teen telenovella into one short song promo is a rare thing indeed. But, thanks to Lil Wayne, that's exactly what we have!
Because really – what could be more universal an experience than the one catalogued right here, look:
Unrequited love. Or, you know, something a bit like that.
After all, everyone reading this – apart possibly from the homeschooled and child-monks in Tibet - has been to school. And therefore everyone had a crush on someone; be it a teacher, or classmate (apart from the homeschooled, because that's wrong).
So y'all know how much it hurts, when the object of your affection looks at you like this:
(And for anyone who can't seem to see above the thong line: there is a look of disdain on this lady's face.) It's the look that says "I'm cooler than you, and I know you fancy me, but I don't care". At least, that's what most people feel scarred by. That's what most people would understand it to mean, but Lil Wayne? He doesn't really get it.
To the extent that he tries to chat her up in the school canteen ...
And she, perhaps believing him to have rather too many facial tattoos for a seventeen year old (it's a valid position), or perhaps just being unkind, walks away. You see? That's the kind of thing that scars you.
And watching her be prom queen while you stand, alone, in the middle of the dancefloor looking a bit scary – that might also be a bit scarry. Scary and scarry.
It is at this point that the adolescent mind raises up and says "You know what? Someday, I'm going to be rich and famous, and everyone's going to want to sleep with me, and then? THEN you'll be sorry"
But most of us don't get to say that. But some people, like Lil, do. (Oh, and of course Avril Lavigne in Sk8er Boi, but at least "Prom Queen" is spelled correctly. It's hard to take the upper hand in txt spk, dnt u fink? :p)
And that's what happens from here on in. We've seen the unrequited love, we've seen the dismissal, the refusal, the rejection, the shame.
Now we see how it would all play out in a perfect world. As above, we saw her as prom queen, we saw her spurning Lil Wayne and, here, making love to her promking in the back of their promcar.
Apparently without a prondom. Because here we see Lady Promqueen, very pregnant. And meanwhile: what's this? That's straggly little tyke she spurned is hitting the top of the charts! (At least that's what that prominently placed newspaper clipping says.) Well! She'll be sorry NOW, right?
And there we are, the progress of time: he's hitting platinum with Tha Carter III – she's pushing a pram in a park!
We can't tell how she feels about pushing that pram in that park; whether this is a second child or just the longest gestating first one in the history of the human body. But clearly, the idea here is: "HA-HA! I wanted you, you didn't want me, and you were wrong."
And I think everyone should get to say that once.
But not everyone gets to watch their unrequited love arriving at their sold-out gig, though.
Or reflect, quite openly, and slightly braggingly, on how, while their former unrequited love is an audience member, they've just swept the stage at the Grammys. (Unless we happen to be a janitor at that particular awards theatre, in which case we might have, but that's a very slight chance.)
We may dream of it, but while the rest of us imagine ourselves getting famous, and watching the ones who've rejected us begging to be with us once more:
And then spurning them so that they make a sad face like this:
And walking off into the sunset with some other hottie:
Leaving not only the present spurner (it's a word) and the memory-spurner sad; Lil Wayne gets to DO it. In his video.
And everything, all life, all achievement, all of everything – is completely right again. For Lil Wayne.
Because really, that's the thing. He gets to do this. Avril Lavigne gets to do this. People who make cathartic teen movies get to do this. The rest of us? At best, we get to ignore a Facebook request from them. And that is, frankly, nowhere near as cool.
