Low-stakes arguments are my bread and butter. Keep that in mind as I declare, right here, right now, the two qualifications for a Christmas movie:
- 1) It takes place around Christmas
- 2) See above
"Die Hard" is the most often cited example when this absurdist thought experiment comes up in small talk every year around this time. I've been talked at so many times about how "'Die Hard' is technically a Christmas movie, when you think about it" that at this point it's become a basic take. The proverbial bottom of the "guy who thinks watching movies is a hobby and won't shut up about it" barrel.
Well, I'm here today to stretch the fraying boundaries of what makes a Christmas movie further with some even more unconventional Christmas movies to consider. A silly counterspell for the next "Um, actually" you encounter this holiday season. I was inspired to write this list after recently watching "American Psycho" for the first time (yes, really; hell, I still haven't seen "The Godfather" — stay mad about it, punks). I noticed one scene was a Christmas party, and that sent me down a rabbit hole of other movies that fit the criteria for some off-beat Yuletide cheer. So the next time you're watching "Die Hard" on Christmas, consider adding these other great movies to your watchlist.
'American Psycho'
Though I'd never sat down and watched it until last week, I'd gleaned enough about Christian Bale's iconic Patrick Bateman character from memes and references over the years to understand the gist of this quintessential boy movie (not to be mistaken for boy TV, like "Peacemaker" or "Barry"). But what I haven't heard about nearly enough is how Reese Witherspoon matches him beat for beat, stealing every scene she's in as his messy on-again off-again situationship Evelyn Williams.
Bale's yuppie by day, serial killer by night schtick is just as relevant today as it was in 2000. When he's not schmoozing with Wall Street's best, he's carrying out his sickest fantasies on a world that seems incapable of realizing he's not joking. There's definitely some metaphors about "American Psycho's" themes of predation and capitalism and consumerism run amok that a writer more committed to this bit could take the time here to tie back to Christmas. But alas.
Watch "American Psycho" free on Plex now
'Tokyo Godfathers'
This is the one entry on this list I'm recommending with my full chest. Don't get me started talking about legendary animator Satoshi Kon unless you want to lose the next 30 minutes to yapping about how amazing his Y2K masterpieces like "Paprika" (which famously inspired "Inception") and "Perfect Blue" are.
"Tokyo Godfathers" is the chiller cousin of Kon's more mind-boggling, genre-bending hits, both in its Yuletide setting and heartwarming themes. It's a story of down-on-their-luck friends — Hana (Yoshiaki Umegaki), Miyuki (Aya Okamoto), and Gin (Tōru Emori) — trying their best to do right by each other while living on the streets. After stumbling on an abandoned baby, they embark on what turns into an epic journey to reunite her with her parents. The story takes some crazy and, later, emotionally devastating turns as you slowly realize these idiots are too damn endearing not to cheer for.
Watch "Tokyo Godfathers" on Tubi now
'Iron Man 3' (Disney Plus)
Before you go arguing with me in the comments, I have several receipts for why "Iron Man 3" meets the criteria. There are tons of Christmas references throughout; at one point, Tony uses a tree ornament as a weapon, and it has a Christmas pageant for Pete's sake! How much more Christmas-y can you get?
Iron Man is arguably the closest thing the MCU has to a singular protagonist, and Tony’s relationship with Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) takes center stage in Iron Man's third outing. In addition to fleshing out her romantic relationship with Tony, "Iron Man 3" also saw Pepper getting her taste of the superhero biz. When you think about it, for an MCU entry, it shares a surprising amount of its DNA with the best Hallmark movies. Two moon-eyed lovers who can't seem to get the timing right on their relationship and eventually coming together to achieve more than either ever thought possible in an over-the-top Yuletide display. Make one a Christmas tree salesman, and you've got the next Hallmark hit.
Watch "Iron Man 3" on Disney Plus now
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