Jimmy Webb’s Wichita Lineman is one of the greatest songs ever written. Spare and sparse and loaded with longing, to quote Billy Joel, it’s a simple song about an ordinary man having extraordinary thoughts. And now there’s a film of it. Sort of.
Life on the Line is a film about linemen. If that isn’t enough to whet your appetite, it’s a film about linemen that’s directed by the man who made Saw V. Still not enough? It’s a film about linemen that’s directed by the man who made Saw V and stars John Travolta. Now you’re interested. Here’s the trailer breakdown.
Here’s John Travolta, working the line in the driving rain as he explains his job to the audience. “Being a lineman ain’t easy”, he says. “It’s the fourth most dangerous job in the United States”. However, according to the literally two seconds of Googling I just did, this is nonsense. It’s actually the ninth most dangerous job, positioned neatly between truck drivers and taxi drivers. In fact, linemen experience 16.6 fewer fatal injuries per 100,000 people than binmen. Which means I’m going to spend the rest of this trailer wishing that this was actually a film about John Travolta being a dangerous binman, and also that Jimmy Webb had written a song that began with the lyric, “I am a binman for the county.”
Almost 30 seconds into the trailer, Travolta hears about these updated statistics. Rather than see sense and abandon this film he’s made about a job that isn’t as dangerous as he thought, Travolta doubles down. “I don’t want any mistakes,” he tells his shocked young protege, winking so hard that his beard nearly falls off.
And, just like that, a telegraph pole falls down inches away from his face. “That’s more like it,” Travolta thinks. “I’ll show them how dangerous it is to be a lineman. You’ll see.”
He then goes into all his meetings as angry as can be, in the vain hope that someone will end up punching him in the face, so that the resulting injury will somehow justify this stupid film being made in the first place.
There, you see, this is a dangerous job. There’s a storm blowing in, and it’s the job of the linemen to cut the power before everyone gets electrocuted. That’s a dangerous job. Definitely more dangerous than being a binman. You’ll see. Oh, you’ll see.
The rest of this trailer is essentially a greatest hits demonstration of all the dangerous things you’ll definitely experience as a lineman, all of which are higher risk and more visually stimulating that anything those idiot binmen have ever had to deal with. Do binmen get to flinch at sparks, for example? No, of course they don’t.
Or what about this? I mean, yes, admittedly, it’s still basically just flinching at sparks, but still. Look at those sparks. That’s quite a lot of sparks. How many sparks do binmen get to flinch at, huh? None, that’s how many.
And, see, look. A man just got punched in the face, just like John Travolta wanted. That qualifies as danger, doesn’t it? That’s bound to reduce the health and safety statistics for this job, and make fewer people want to apply to be a lineman, isn’t it? It has to be. Great work everyone.
Oh, and if you’re a lineman, a car will definitely collide with a truck in an independent accident that you have nothing to do with, several miles away from wherever you are. You see? Nothing but danger. Danger danger danger. Ninth most dangerous job my foot.
Plus, you know, heights and whatever. Look, it’s a dangerous job, OK? Get off John Travolta’s back. Jesus, you people.
