For years John Love and Anne-Marie Binding, both of whom have learning difficulties, had been separately judged by social services as being unfit to raise children. Before they met, three children in their care had been taken away and placed in care. Until recently, John, 34, had given up hope of ever being a father again. But three years after seeing his two own daughters taken into care, there has been a change of heart among social services and the new couple are now being given a chance to be parents together.
Christopher, 21 months old, is a happy little boy who is doted on by John and his 26-year-old mother Anne-Marie. Looking after him means everything to them. "I've lost my daughters. The worst scenario would be losing Christopher as well. I don't think I could handle it," says John.
The couple's fight for the right to be parents has been long and difficult. Their story is told in Binding Love, a BBC documentary to be screened on Sunday. It shows the couple battling against the odds to raise Christopher in their home: a cramped two-bedroom flat in a council house in Falmouth, Cornwall.
John and Anne-Marie's case is highly unusual. There are around 250,000 people in the UK with learning disabilities. Although government policy is to keep families together, studies show that more than half of the children born to parents with learning disabilities end up in care.
Talking to John, it is hard to believe that he has a learning disability. Highly articulate, he admits he has difficulties with written English, but says he is determined to get the skills he needs to be a good parent, and find a job. He moved into the flat in August after passing a series of police and social services checks. The couple now spend two or three days every week attending a course on parenting skills, while Christopher is in a nearby nursery. The course, at Truro College, is believed to be the only one in the country aimed at people with learning difficulties. Advice is wide-ranging and includes lessons about basic safety in the home.
A typical day for John and Anne-Marie might see them taking the bus to the supermarket. Another might be spent with their own parents, at college or getting help from health and social workers - every week the couple are visited by a social worker, a health visitor, a family aide, a learning disability nurse, and psychologists trained in parenting.
Disability rights workers say it is rare to find such support for parents with learning difficulties. However, four years ago the picture was very different as it appeared that neither John nor Anne-Marie would ever know what it was like to raise a son or daughter. John had just split up from his ex-wife after being the main carer for the couple's two daughters and the three boys his wife had from a previous relationship. After the split, the boys went into care and John struggled to look after his daughters Kim and Mary-Ann. They were just 18 months and two-and-a-half. But within a month social workers decided that John was failing as a parent - and that the girls would be better off living with his mother and stepfather.
John was then living in Truro. A few miles away in Falmouth Anne-Marie already knew what it felt like to lose a child. When she was just 19 she was forced to give up her baby daughter. "I didn't know how to look after her properly because my boyfriend's parents took over her care. After that I couldn't cope and then I became ill," she recalls. She suffered panic attacks and began to cut herself. After discovering she was pregnant again, she went to live in a foster carers' unit, where she was taught how to change, feed and look after a young baby.
John and Anne-Marie wanted to live with one another as soon as they met on a parenting course. Christopher was three months old at the time, but they had to wait a year for checks to be carried out. Each has relied on their parents for support. Anne-Marie is particularly close to her mother who lives nearby, and John sees his parents who live in Truro every weekend when he visits his daughters.
The couple constantly call each other "dear" and are very loving towards Christopher and each other. Like everyone else, they also have rows. During the programme, Anne-Marie is seen having a temper tantrum and feels the onset of a panic attack. Throughout, John is very supportive. The couple are careful to keep knives, scissors and graters out of sight because they can make Anne-Marie panic. However, they have difficulty keeping on top of domestic chores. At one point in the programme, toys and clothes are seen strewn on the carpet along with an inhaler and discarded biscuits. Lager cans are stored in the bedroom, a cigarette lighter is left on a bed and a packet of tobacco is left in a child's car seat.
It is a situation that health- and social-services professionals are trying to address. Tamara Scully, an assistant clinical psychologist, is concerned about Christopher's environment. "Safety and hygiene are a major issue for you guys," she tells them. "If you get it together then you can help get him off the child- protection register."
Such intensive support for parents with learning disabilities is rare, according to Mencap. The charity claims many local authorities do not provide the specialist help needed - despite the government policy aimed at keeping families together. "As long as people can show emotional regard for their children, and bring them up in a safe environment, there is no reason why people with learning disabilities shouldn't enjoy parenthood like everyone else," says Mencap's David Walton. "Unfortunately, away from Cornwall, a lot of professionals are failing to get learning disability training or have the knowledge to help people. They look at the disability first rather than the person."
Tim Booth, professor of social policy at Sheffield University, agrees. He says professionals are too ready to see people with learning difficulties as unfit parents rather than building on their strengths. "Too often the needs of parents are overlooked although they may be unable to do their best by their children until their problems are sorted out. The primary focus of attention for practitioners is usually the welfare of the children rather than the family as a unit. Family and child care problems are often ascribed to the limitations of the parents when they owe more to environmental pressures or deficiencies in the support services."
John and Anne-Marie admit there are challenges ahead - but with the support of their family and professionals, they are ready to take them on. Next month they are getting married. "We have each other and Christopher. We are lucky," says Anne-Marie.
