What’s going for it? When you find milled flaxseeds and chia seeds next to each other on the shelf of the local Spar, I think we can safely say we have found our nirvana, don’t you think? This is a tough time for lefties. The once impossible relentlessly becomes the norm. So where can right-minded left-minded folk go for a bit of R&R, where nobody will out you to breitbart.com when you order hand-picked single-estate Fairtrade olives at the pub, and where political correctness is just, well, correct? Framplington, that’s where. All eyes lately have been on the People’s Republics of Brighton, Bristol or Hackney as enclaves for those a bit circumspect about the free market. Under the radar, though, this pretty town has been quietly attracting escapees from Britain’s sprawling conurbations. Today the place has the knowingly shaggy demeanour of a trustafarian, the Farrow & Ball of its Georgian town houses tattooed with arch, Banksy-lite graffiti, its high street weeded of all known chain stores. It all began, rumour has it, when the local manor house and estate town was bought, in the spirit of 19th-century reformers such as Octavia Hill, by an anonymous left-leaning sleb (there are whispers of JK Rowling, sniffs of George Clooney) to create a kind of Babington House of the People. Who knows? One thing’s certain, though: the revolution starts here. In the tea room. Over a slab of gluten-free carrot cake and a soy latte.
The case against Come on, you’d miss Nigel Farage, wouldn’t you? Piers Morgan, surely? What if you crave a dirty burger? Enforced allotment tending can be back-breaking.
Well connected? On pedal power. If you must drive, only hybrids and electrics on estate land, please.
Schools Primaries: the town’s Clement Attlee Community is inevitably “outstanding”, Ofsted says. Its secondary, the Anthony Blair CofE, “requires improvement”.
Hang out at… The bar at the quaint old Peterloo with a craft beer, polishing your halo, remembering the good old days.
Where to buy Buy? Who are you, the Candy brothers? There’ll be no buying round these parts, unless you are an anonymous, left-leaning sleb. Local homes – all co-housing and communal, and all located on the moral high ground, with fabulous views down one’s nose at the inhabitants beyond estate walls – are owned and let by the mysterious trust, but with rent controls and lifetime tenures: one-bed flat, £100pcm; three-bed house, £250pcm. In your dreams.
Bargain of the week Don’t be a fool.
From the streets
Maurice Flintoff “We moved here last year. It’s so calming not being angry all the time. Thanks to the neighbourhood social media filters, you never have to read Katie Hopkins’ views again.”
Jeanne Donaldson “A big shout-out for the Happy Lentil’s bran muffins. Vegan, Fairtrade, GM-free. So virtuous, you can forgive the tastelessness!”
• Do you live in Rothbury, Northumberland? Do you have a favourite haunt or pet hate? If so, email lets.move@theguardian.com by Tuesday 4 April.
