Romantic comedies (rom-coms) have long been a favourite genre for moviegoers, offering laughter, love, and happily-ever-afters. But psychologists are now revealing what feel-good films can teach us in our real relationships. A new study by Northwestern University psychologist Eli Finkel and UC Davis social psychologist Paul Eastwick digs into how rom-coms reflect-and sometimes distort the dynamics of romance. Their research sheds light on relationship advice that might surprise you.
Rom-coms: The good, the bad, and the instructive
The research focused on how romantic comedies shape expectations of love and commitment by providing positive takeaways but also cautionary tales. The old-school romantic comedies that caught their attention included when 'Harry Met Sally', 'Notting Hill', and '10 Things I Hate About You'- movies analysing how these films present the process of meeting, courting, and ultimately falling in love.
Their findings reveal that rom-coms provide several key lessons about love:
One takeaway from the study is that rom-coms often portray love as an intense, all-consuming force, where "the one" is someone, you instantly connect with—something that sets unrealistically high expectations for real relationships. Finkel and Eastwick warn that this fantasy rendition of romance leads to disappointment when real-life relationships, by their very nature, fail to live up to the cinematic spark.
2. Communication is key
While many rom-coms revolve around misunderstandings and dramatic confrontations, the real lesson is about the importance of communication in relationships. Generally, most people in rom-com scenarios are shown to be left hanging at a crossroads because they fail to say what's in their hearts, only to realize their love for the other once the air is cleared.
3. The slow burn of love
Another important aspect taken from the rom-com genre is the slow burning of love. Where lots of films go directly to "happily ever after," research shows that strong, long-lasting relationships are built over time with shared experiences and effort—rom-coms sometimes overlooked in favour of instant attraction and whirlwind romances.
4. Compatibility makes strength
Shared values and interests are critical for long-term compatibility. While rom-coms often feature a magical meet-cute, real relationships require deeper connections that go beyond initial chemistry.
Is love like it is shown in the movies?
Experts caution against taking romantic comedies at face value. While they develop nice scenarios and idealized moments, they provide a picture of romance that is extremely over-simplified and distanced from real life's complexities of relationships. However, the films do provide a blueprint for communication, understanding, and the gradual build-up of emotional intimacy.
In a world where love often feels more complicated than the silver screen suggests, remember that while love may not always resemble the kind portrayed in films, it can still be just as meaningful when it is nurtured with patience, realistic expectations, and honest communication.
