I was saddened to read Devika Bhat’s article (Grieving for a baby who did not live, G2, 28 October), which happened to be published the 32nd anniversary of our own stillborn daughter’s birth. I was saddened also that Bhat feels the subject of pregnancy loss is something that is swept under the carpet.
I found that when I talked about my experience, many women and men told me that this had happened to them also. I did draw comfort from feeling I was not alone. I also joined Sands, a fantastic organisation that offers advice and support to families who have lost babies. When stillbirth or any pregnancy loss happens to you it is a tremendous and terrible shock. Grief is very hard and lonely. And when people are pregnant it is not the right time to talk about all the ways a baby can be lost. So many of us when we are expecting a baby or when a woman is pregnant shut our minds to the fact that a baby can be stillborn or die. It is only when this terrible thing has happened that we can talk about this experience. You are not alone. Contact Sands at sands.org.uk or via the helpline on 0808 164 3332.
Helen Jenkins
London
• John Crace hits the proverbial nail on its usual head (Digested week, 26 October). We cannot accept the end of life, other than through an intellectual process, and live “each day as if we and those we love are immortal”. I have just lost my life partner and, even though I knew she could not survive for long, her death has left me devastated. I should have known, and did know, but that is not an emotion. I refused to feel it and to process the information displayed before me. The great tragedy is that, through that denial, I could have invested even more love, as John Crace suggests, but did not do so.
Michael Chapman
Maynards Green, East Sussex
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