Former Tennessee Titans running back, LenDale White, recently detailed some dark times he went through after his playing career, which included substance abuse and having suicidal thoughts. Thankfully, another former Titans running back was there to help him through it.
White revealed to Jim Wyatt of Titans Online that once his opportunities in the NFL had dried up following his final season with the Titans in 2009, he was abusing substances and had thoughts about suicide.
“There were thoughts of suicide, I can’t lie,” White admitted. “There were thoughts of taking sleeping pills, and never waking up. I was very low. The depression, the stress, all of that had kicked in. The finances got low. When you think you’re never going to get your head above water again, there’s all kinds of things that run through your mind.
“I was messed up — popping pills, smoking weed, drinking Lean. I just kept going into a deeper hole.”
White’s saving grace? His former teammate, Chris Johnson, who played with White in 2008 and 2009.
“He saved my life,” White said. “Hell yeah, he saved my life. I can honestly say that, because I was messed up. I was in my mom’s basement, and I didn’t come out for damn near nothing. I didn’t care about anything.
“Thinking about all this, it makes me get teary-eyed. Because where I was back then, it was so black for me. C.J. brought me back in, and it meant the world to me. I am so thankful for (C.J.), because I don’t know where I’d be without him. No one knows where I was when he brought me out of that black hole. I’ll forever be thankful for him. He’s like a knight in shining armor for sure.”
Johnson contacting White was really by chance, as he had no clue what his former teammate was going through. He also recalled being alone in New York after signing with the Jets and White going up to visit him.
“At the time, I didn’t know he was going through all that,” Johnson said. “I was still playing, and I didn’t know what it was like to get cut and have no teams call you. I was calling him then because he was a friend, and I missed seeing him. We used to hang out all the time, and now he wasn’t around. It wasn’t until later when I realized what he was going through.
“Back then, I didn’t know that he was depressed. We were just hanging out. And when I left (Tennessee) and went to play in New York, I was by myself and LenDale came up there and we hung out. That’s what brothers do.”
White admits there are still bad days, but having the love and support of his friend helps him get through it. He also wants people to know that it’s OK to ask for help.
“I have (bad) days still – I don’t want to act like there’s not bad days, because depression is real,” White said. “But I want people to know it is OK to find help. You are going to have your good days, and you are going to have your bad days. But just knowing, for me, there’s somebody like (C.J.) in your corner, it definitely does something for you for sure.
“I don’t want to let C.J. down, and I don’t want to let myself down no more. You just have to figure it out. There’s going to be bad days, but when you know there’s people out there that love you, it’s a lot better and you know you can get over that hump. C.J., he is my guy for life. I don’t know where I’d be without him.”
Known as “Smash and Dash” during their time together in Nashville, the two have started a podcast of the same name. Johnson says that helps keep them busy and together.
“Me and LenDale, we go back together on so many topics, different things,” Johnson said. “We’re friends, so it’s cool to hang out. And the podcast thing, it keeps us together, and gives us something to do.”
