Hie thee to the drawing of battlelines in the final clash between good and evil, as Britney Spears's ex house husband Kevin Federline issues subpoena after subpoena in his mission to gain custody of the couple's preciouses - Little Sean Preston and Little Jayden James.
First to be subpoena'd was Britney's cousin / assistant Alli Sims, then it was bodyguard / classical scholar / wooden bondage paddle carver Daimon Shippen, now it is photoshoot assistant / bathroom companion Shannon Funk.
"Honestly, I have nothing negative to say about Britney so let [Kevin's lawyer] go after me," the latter trills of the end-of-days firestorm about to engulf her. "I'm on Team Britney! I support her no matter what. Kevin is a bad father."
Easy for Ms Funk to say - for her the call has come - but what of other members or erstwhile members of Britney's entourage?
Right now, all over Los Angeles, Spears footsoldiers ranging from barbers to onetime bathroom cubicle companions wait anxiously for the moment at which that validating envelope is thrust into their hands, the moment at which they can answer the call to arms, and join what promises to be the most edifying celebrity custody battle since Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger began their own Afghan War, the still-raging, largely-forgotten tug-of-selflove that is the fight for the very soul of their thoughtless little pig.
