Toast, I’m told, was the No 1 food trend in 2015. To which I say, well, that’s it, I’m joining a remote tribe with no access to Instagram. Life in the west was nice while it lasted. But before I pack my bags, I’ve decided to have a go at what Delia calls her “definitive recipe for perfect toast”.
The perfect toast starts with the perfect bread, and you can’t go wrong with Delia’s recipe for Quick and Easy Wholemeal Loaf. It is, indeed, quick and easy. (I am tempted to make a crude joke at this point, but this is a family newspaper.)
Just one minor tweak: Delia likes salt even more than she likes butter, and suggests adding two teaspoons of the stuff. You can get a perfectly good loaf with just two twists of the salt shaker, or, indeed, as I discovered on the second go round, when I forgot to add any salt, no twists at all.
Your bread made, it’s time to start making toast.
Delia is “not a disciple of automatic toasters”, as they are, according to Delia, “a bit hit and miss”. To which my immediate response is to say that I eat toast shortly after waking up, a time in which many things in my life are hit and miss, including my ability to brush my teeth without leaving toothpaste on my clothing or to get out of the flat without leaving something behind, so at least there’s unity of theme.
But, nevertheless, I persevere. The grill it is, which, Delia says, I need to “preheat for at least 10 minutes before making the toast”. Which, frankly, feels like an awful lot of preparation for what is meant to be a fairly simple breakfast. Most mornings I wake up, put bread in the toaster, get dressed, look at the time, panic and leave the house with a half-buttered piece of toast in my mouth, or, if it is a bad morning, my coat pocket.
Delia then sets out a very specific set of instructions as to how far from the heat source the bread should be. Not for the first time, I begin to suspect that Delia has a very different kitchen from my own. I have an electric grill and a limited understanding of how it produces heat, let alone where the heat comes from. More importantly, short of redesigning my cooker, I don’t have all that much control over the location of the bread.
Once the bread is on the grill, Delia commands, “keep an eye on it and don’t wander far away”, which means that it looks like I am going to be arriving into work naked or late.
Once the toast is done, “remove it immediately to a toast rack”.
I know what you’re thinking. As you are not a hotel, you don’t own a toast rack. I don’t either, although Delia recommends I “invest” in one, as they allow the steam in the bread to circulate.
My understanding of an investment is that you get a bigger price for what you bought when you sell it, something which I think is unlikely to happen to my toast rack. But Delia’s right, after a minute resting in the toast rack, it is indeed “crisp and crunchy”, although the butter doesn’t melt on the bread afterwards. To be frank, I prefer my toast soggy, my butter melted, and my toast not to take the best part of half an hour to prepare. The quick and easy wholemeal loaf is delicious though, and it toasts very well. In a toaster.
• Stephen Bush is cooking his way through Delia’s Complete How To Cook (BBC Books, £40) in a year; @stephenkb. You can watch Delia Smith’s free Online Cookery School videos at deliaonline.com; @DeliaOnline
