Late-night hosts discussed Donald Trump’s speech to Congress, as Stephen Colbert asked: “Any chance there’s a mistake and Moonlight is the president?”
On The Late Show, Colbert went live to discuss the address, noting that some attendees had worn special clothing just for the occasion. “The female members of the house Democratic caucus all wore white in honor of women’s suffrage, while the Republicans were white in honor of who elected them,” he joked.
As Trump entered, Colbert noted: “So many handshakes, such little hands.”
Trump’s new slogan from the speech appeared to be “Renewal of the American Spirit”, which Colbert said “sounds like a Chinese bootleg of Make America Great Again”.
The president went on to describe how he intended to add more government taskforces as a way of somehow reducing staff. Colbert joked: “It’s like how the key to not being hungover is just to never stop drinking.”
With regards to immigration, Trump claimed the “bad ones” were being removed while those who intended to live in the US had to show that they could provide for themselves. “It’s just like the Statue of Liberty says: give us your tired, your poor, but not so poor that they can’t afford a two-bedroom apartment and like, a Mitsubishi,” Colbert said.
Trump spoke about the mess he had inherited, which led Colbert to joke: “I don’t know what we inherited, but you inherited like $100m.”
Trump went on to say that any problem the country has can be fixed. Colbert agreed but added: “Well, there’s one problem we can’t solve for four years.”
On The Daily Show, Trevor Noah brought up a recent town hall meeting that saw a surprisingly young member of the audience ask a question attacking Senator Tom Cotton.
Tonight at 11/10c, it’s Town Halls Gone Wild! pic.twitter.com/D2tsDkb1Ys
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) March 1, 2017
“Trump’s America is the only place you’ll see a seven-year-old show up with talking points,” he said. Noah added: “You know you fucked up when even the little kids are coming hard at you.
“Now some people might say: ‘Why the hell is a kid participating? He’s not even old enough to vote.’ But let me tell you something, when you have a president who thinks global warming is a hoax, he doesn’t know if he’ll ever get the chance to vote in the future, so that kid is like: ‘I’m gonna do my shit now,’” he said.
On The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon spoke about the 3,500-word letter sent to Trump by the former Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. He doubted Trump had read it because, as he said in character: “I haven’t even read my immigration policy.”
Trump has come under fire for his commerce secretary pick, who is the vice-chairman of a bank owned by Vladimir Putin. “You can tell the bank is owned by Putin because both the pens and the tellers are chained to the desks,” he said.
He then took aim at the viral picture of Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway sitting in the Oval Office in a strange, overly comfortable manner, shoes on the sofa. “Kellyanne says that they’re not shoes, they’re alternative socks,” he joked.
He then spoke about rumors that Trump would cancel the annual Easter egg roll. In character, he said: “Actually I’m canceling all egg rolls to get back at China.”
