A brave Biggar mum who lost her only child after he ‘fell asleep and never woke up’ is using her own grief to help support others.
Sharryn McKelvie desperately tried to revive son Rory at their home when she discovered him lying lifeless in December 2017.
The mum-of-one faced a 14 month wait for answers as to how the 19-year-old bank worker had died before medics determined it was likely due to a genetic heart defect.
The 46-year-old had spiralled into a deep depression and even attempted to take her own life before finding invaluable support from non-profit The Compassionate Friends.
Sharryn, who lives with husband Gavin, 50, told how she learned to find hope again after meeting other bereaved parents through the charity.
She is now setting up her own peer to peer support group in Shotts to help other grieving parents, siblings and grandparents who have lost a child or children.
She explained: “Rory died in December 2017 and he was my only child. He was 19 when he went to bed, but he didn’t wake up again.
“I had been trained in first aid for more than 10 at my job at the University of Edinburgh and the first person I ever did it on was my son.
“It was 40 minutes of me giving him CPR and knowing that it was no use. I knew he was dead before I tried.
“Rory did have mental health issues but was in a good place so I didn’t understand how he could have just died.
“It was December so everybody was starting to celebrate Christmas and I was arranging my only child’s funeral. It was absolutely horrific.
“I needed all the help I could get. I didn’t know how I was going to survive or get through this or how I’d ever be able to cope.
“But come April 2018, I went to the Scottish gathering and that was a weekend retreat organised by The Compassionate Friends.
“I walked into this venue and there were I think 60 people there over the weekend who were all at various stages of their journey.
“There were parts of the weekend that were really quite hard because you were listening to how some had lost their child due to mental health, or they had been knocked down by a drunk driver or murdered by their father.
“There were so many different stories that you were hearing but the common theme was that I kept looking at people and thinking that they looked normal, 10 or 15 years down the line.
“I couldn’t understand how they were laughing and smiling. There was one particular lady and all I could hear was her talking and laughing about her ‘Jamesy’.
“I was getting really irate, not understanding how she could be laughing and carrying on.
“And it was in one of the discussion groups the next day, and the same lady started speaking.
“But then she talked about how this was her weekend with her son and that 15 years previously, he had taken his life.
“She was now able to laugh, toast him and talk about him without anybody changing the subject. She could just have her weekend with her boy and it was like a lightbulb moment.
“I realised that it was okay to talk about Rory and I could aim to look like this woman.”
Sharryn, who now works for the charity, decided to set up her own TCF support group in Lanarkshire due to the lack of support for bereaved families in the area.
She added: “The hope and comfort that people have given me has been second to none.
“I have two sisters and I have a great community here in Biggar but I’ve drifted away from a lot of people that I was friends with before because I don’t feel able to be honest with how I’m feeling.
“I can’t sit with them and say I’m sick of seeing all the back to school photos this week because my son should be turning 23 and I should be thinking about him starting his own family and me becoming a granny.
“I’m never going to have that. But with the support group, you can sit there with other bereaved parents and say exactly how you’re really feeling.
“We all walk the grief journey together but we’ve got very different steps to climb at different times. But we can just be there to give that hope to each other.
“It’s just about sharing that unique peer to peer support because losing a child is so lonely and out of the natural order. It’s not meant to happen this way.
“Yes, I’m new in my grief - I’m coming up for four years in December but I’m near enough to it that I can actually empathise totally with those newly bereaved while also those further down the line who are really feel the wobble because it’s been so long since they spoke to their child.
“If I can reach one bereaved parent and give them that support that stops them feeling so lousy and alone, then I’ve done well.
“The more I do for bereaved parents, the more legacy my son has because I’m helping others.
“This is a journey that we never get off but find a way to walk together.”
Sharryn’s support group will begin on Monday, September 6 at the Salvation Army on Southfield Crescent in Shotts between 7pm-9pm.
Thereafter, the meetings will be held on the first Monday of every month.
Before his sudden death, Rory had spoken out about his battle with mental health and urged other young people to speak to others about the way they were feeling.
Thousands of pounds was raised for Breathing Space in his memory with special benches installed across Scotland by the charity.
You can seek help by contacting Samaritans 24/7 free on 116 123 or by visiting Samaritans.org.
Help is also available from Breathing Space on 0800 83 85 87.
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