Name: Lady Mary Crawley.
Age: Technically 124, although for the sake of clarity, let’s say she’s in her mid-30s.
Appearance: Invisible, ubiquitous and desperate to sell junk to Americans.
Is this about Downton Abbey? Because I’m really more of a Jeremy Kyle person. Relax, it’s only tangentially about Downton Abbey. It’s more about adverts.
Oh, good. I like adverts. Of course you do. Everyone likes adverts. Especially when they’ve got a voiceover by Lady Mary.
Why her specifically? What do you mean, why her specifically? Haven’t you heard her voice? It’s gorgeous. It’s like chocolate, and treacle, and angel hair, all served up on a plate made of silky larynxes.
You’re not very good at describing things in an appealing way. It doesn’t matter. If I got Lady Mary to read that out, you’d be straight on the phone to your nearest larynx supplier. That’s why her voice has been identified as the most in-demand British accent in the US.
Hang on, what does that actually mean? It means Americans love posh British voices. Stick one of those on your commercial and the average American will go nuts for it. A British accent is classy, you see. It’s sophisticated. It’s ...
A confusing throwback to colonial times? Well, yes, that too. But anyway, the point is that research by freelancer recruitment website PeoplePerHour has identified Lady Mary as having the most desirable accent in terms of commercial appeal in the US.
Who did she beat? Oh, loads of people: Hugh Grant, Daniel Craig, Keira Knightley, Idris Elba, Benedict Cumberbatch ...
Can I point something out? Sure.
All those people you just mentioned are real people. Yes, that’s right.
But Lady Mary isn’t a real person. She’s a fictional character from an ITV period drama. So you’re saying that Americans are more likely to buy a product if it reminds them of a made-up, idealised version of the UK that fulfils their outmoded ideas about our class system?
Pretty much. Sorry, your criticisms are void because I read them in Lady Mary’s voice and now I want to buy everything.
Do say: “Hey guys, buy this big pile of crap” (in a plummy British accent).
Don’t say: “Hey guys, buy this big pile of crap” (in any other sort of British accent).
