Has anybody else been watching Ladette to Lady? It's a reality TV show, which charts an attempt to turn a group of 'ladettes' (a neosociological term from the 90s cunningly borrowed for alliterative effect to describe beer drinking, sexually hyperactive types with regional accents in 2008) into 'ladies' (in this case, 1980s Sloaney types with pearls and very uncomfortable looking clothes).
The latest plot twist has been the reintroduction into the mix of Louise Porter, who was the prettiest of the girls booted off the last series. She's come back to add a bit of friction because previously the 'ladettes' were all getting on too well and the terrifying trouts who are trying to whip them into shape weren't getting anywhere.
But the irony is this: Louise discovered a degree of fame thanks to her appearance on the last series, invested in some breast implants and launched herself as a glamour model. This is the most interesting result to have been produced by the whole experiment.
Everyone who has agreed to appear on the show has a motive. And it's not surprising that the motive isn't really to turn into a 'lady'. After all who on earth would really want to be able to walk around with a chair balanced on her head and be able to repeat the days of the week in the accent used by BBC presenters in the 1950s? For that, you see, is the impression of ladyhood that the show is giving to the ladettes.
Instead, they're following the route to fame pioneered by Big Brother contestants. Get on telly, prove you've got the X factor (yes, indeed) and become some sort of celebrity on the back of it.
So, Louise Porter, if you're reading: congratulations. Whatever the etiquette teachers make of you, you've triumphed. I only hope you might decide that becoming a semi-famous glamour girl isn't really what you want from life after all ...
(Funny to see how the Sloaney boys she has been forced to mingle with have been all over her. She now looks, of course, exactly the kind of surgically enhanced plastic person who makes Prince Harry-types hot under the collar at West End nightclubs)
Briefly, it's worth noting an exception to the general rule that this series makes the life of a lady seem entirely unenviable and pointless. And that's the inclusion of cookery teacher Rosemary Schrager as one of the team trying to convert the 'ladettes'. She is compassionate, sympathetic and obviously a genius in the kitchen.
