Man of the week
David Guetta – Uefa’s official 2016 music ambassador, delivering “an exhibition of French spirit and mass choreography” with can-can girls and a pair of dancing lips on day one. Among the reviews: @ningers – “Every second Guetta plays increases the likelihood of Brexit.”
• Also performing last week: Will.i.am, going viral on Thursday during a technical-difficulty-themed Eiffel Tower concert for 83,000 fans. Local media reviews included: “Le désastre”, “Catastrophique”, “Le grand flop” and “La prestation calamiteuse”. Guetta called it “incredible”.
La synchro catastrophique de Will i am au #ShowEuro2016 😱 pic.twitter.com/zofQ9wJ5B1
— Olivier Palud (@olivierpalud) June 9, 2016
Moment of the weeK
Dimitri Payet and ITV pundit and mentor Slaven Bilic ending Friday night high on emotion – and West Ham co-owner David Sullivan’s son David Jr ending it apologising for any offence after tweeting his reaction to Payet’s goal: “My dad owns him.”
Warning of the week
Uefa – warning that touts lack ethics. The governing body, which went into the tournament without a president and having been raided by police in the buildup, says that fans could easily be lured into suspect deals tainted by greed: “Touts demand exorbitant prices.”
Plus: best Uefa set-to
Toulouse city authorities removing eight of 10 Uefa banners from their listed town hall after a French heritage agency said it looked like Uefa had “decked out Toulouse with a steamroller”. City officials say they will be relocated. “We didn’t pay for them, Uefa did. It’s a win-win solution.”
And elsewhere
Setting the bar high for tournament gaffes this summer – Copa América organisers: pledging last Sunday to “work together to ensure such an error never happens again” after playing the wrong anthem for Uruguay. 24 hours later they played a Pitbull track over the top of Chile’s anthem.
Eye on the ball
Cristiano Ronaldo: taking a break from the buildup last week to announce his CR7 museum in Madeira is moving to three-times-bigger premises to deliver “new and improved access to the latest achievements of Cristiano Ronaldo”. Attractions include two waxworks and a statue.
Eye off the ball
Sir @clivewoodward – retweeting a fake Roy Keane quote, praising the “brilliant comments from Roy Keane on Aaron Ramsey, so true of Arsenal”. The quote: “Ramsey looks like one of the f*****g Backstreet Boys. Typical f*****g Arsenal. He wants to be noticed, maybe he should try having a decent game. He’s been awful all season. Robbie Keane flew in from LA with a baseball cap on backwards last week. I set it on fire and told Martin to send him packing.”
Deal of the week
Gary Neville: reportedly taking time out of England’s buildup to haggle for barbecue ingredients in a Chantilly Marée fishmongers. A worker told the Mirror: “We were shocked when the two men in England tracksuits came in. The smaller man [Neville] thought the prawns would cost €20, so he was surprised when we charged him €72. We negotiated a special deal for €60.”
Stat of the week
8.15% of Icelanders are now in France or on the way. 26,985 citizens applied for tickets.
Best unofficial burger
French franchise Speed Burger launching its new unofficial Euro-themed burger, featuring “red cheddar, white sauce and bright blue bread”. Fashioned from “100% French raw materials” – €6.30 each.
Worst official product
Uefa Euro 2016 Shower Gel – £6.36 for 400ml. Couple it with official £5.67 Uefa Euro 2016 Deodorant Spray for the fully Uefa-endorsed tournament scent.
Most gruelling
PR teams vying to land the “New Paul the Octopus”. Among last week’s psychic animals: Sea Life Manchester’s Otto the octopus v Birmingham’s Pablo the penguin. Otto picked a Russia-coloured lego brick before last night’s game; Pablo stood on England’s flag. Four weeks to go.
Low point
PR release of the week: “Chesney Hawkes and the most capped England player of all time, Peter Shilton OBE, have released a hilarious football anthem … in association with Rustlers, the hamburger brand.”
Plus: most convincing
Pelé and Maradona, walking out hand in hand for a Hublot-sponsored curtain-raising Match of Friendship in Paris on Thursday. Maradona: “I thank my friend Pelé, we need icons like him”.
• Among the previous best unsponsored Pelé tributes from Maradona: 2000: “Pelé should go to the museum and stay there.” 2005: “It’s Pelé’s time of the month again. He’s having his period.” 2006: “I’m not going to the opening ceremony. I’m not here to watch bloody Pelé walking around.” 2011: “It seems Pelé has taken the wrong pills.” And 2013: “Pelé’s Fifa award isn’t worth shit … Don’t compare me with Pelé. I don’t like it because of the stupid things he says.”
