Name: Kylie v Kylie.
Age: A week old, and counting.
Appearance: Imagine a fat sheaf of paper growing thicker with each passing hour.
What is it? A legal case set to become the Jarndyce v Jarndyce of our time.
Who’s suing whom? Kylie Minogue is the plaintiff; Kylie Jenner is the defendant.
And what, precisely, is the nature of the dispute? The use of the name Kylie.
I’m no legal expert, but aren’t there lots of Kylies about? The dispute concerns the right to use “Kylie” as a trademark. Jenner applied for trademark protection in August. Minogue filed an opposition to the application last week, claiming such protection would cause confusion among consumers, and dilute her brand.
How might one describe the plaintiff to a judge who remains charmingly oblivious to the world of modern celebrity? “Kylie has been in the entertainment industry since 1979,” says legal paperwork filed by Minogue’s company KDB Ltd, “and launched her first album, titled Kylie, in 1988.”
Some kind of singer, is she? She’s sold 80m records worldwide, m’lud, and is noted for her “high-publicity humanitarian efforts”.
And the defendant? “Ms Jenner is a secondary reality-television personality, who appeared on the television series Keeping Up With the Kardashians as a supporting character, to Ms Jenner’s half-sisters, Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian.”
I wish I could pretend I didn’t understand a word that. In addition, Ms Jenner is “active on social media, where her photographic exhibitionism and controversial posts have drawn criticism from, eg, the disability rights and African-American communities”.
Ouch. Which Kylie has the strongest case? That remains to be seen, but Minogue is alleging prior claim.
Because she’s older? Because she already owns the trademark for “Kylie” when it comes to recordings, perfumes, moisturiser, body lotion, jewellery, printed matter and “plastic character toys”. She has also registered trademarks for “Kylie Minogue Darling” and “Lucky – the Kylie Minogue Musical”.
What does Jenner want the trademark for? For unspecified advertising, promotional and endorsement services.
She should be so lucky. The case continues.
Do say: “What’s in a name? This perfume by any other name would smell as awful.”
Don’t say: “Do you mind if we film proceedings for the show?”
