The funniest standup I’ve ever seen …
Elephant in the Room by the late Patrice O’Neal is one of my guilty pleasures. His show tackles a whole host of big, controversial topics that I would never dream of touching on stage, and it’s fun to watch someone handle them while maintaining a likable, laidback demeanour. An absolute masterclass from a great guy taken too soon.
The funniest film I’ve ever seen …
I’m a huge, huge fan of the Rush Hour series – Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan are firm fixtures in my Christmas movie playlist.
The funniest heckle I’ve ever had …
During my run at the 2017 Edinburgh fringe festival, one of my shows was almost derailed by a lady in the front row who kept bursting into over-the-top hysterical fits of laughter way before I’d actually reached a punchline. It kept happening to the point where it was actually disrupting the show. She was so lovely that I criticised the rest of the audience for not enjoying it as much as she was!
The funniest item of clothing I’ve ever owned …
In year 7, my secondary school had a wear your own clothes/fancy dress day. A naive 12-year-old Kwame didn’t realise 99% of the kids would opt for the prior. I fashioned a onesie out of bin bags and was known as “bin-bag kid” for the rest of the year.
The funniest meal I’ve ever eaten …
One of my flatmates from uni made a chicken pie for the whole flat one night. It came out pretty well, but it wasn’t until the end of the meal when he casually revealed that he had defrosted the chicken for the pie under the hot tap, mentioning it in passing as if this was common practice. The whole house spent the rest of the evening waiting for food poisoning to kick in, like a grim reboot of the passover, but thankfully we were all spared. The meal will be for ever be referred to by my friends as “that pie”.
The funniest hairstyle I’ve ever had …
I started medical school with big afro hair, but it didn’t last long. I tried to blow dry it one evening during freshers’ week, and the steam coming off my hair managed to trigger the smoke alarm in my halls, leading to an evacuation of the whole building. I shaved it all off shortly afterwards, but not before it was immortalised on my medical student ID card for the next six years. Thankfully, it served as a great way to break the ice around the hospital.
The funniest dream I’ve ever had …
Me sailing through a sea of fruit pastilles on a boat with Ian Wright and Jack and Vera from Coronation Street. Not necessarily a funny vision. But now it’s your problem as well.
The funniest number …
I changed mobile phone numbers in 2010, and did a bad job of recirculating the new one. I knew this because my old number was redistributed to an 11-year-old, and lots of people kept calling him and sending texts to him that were meant for me. One mate tried to call me on that number, and was met with an irritated mother screaming “CAN RANDOM PEOPLE STOP CALLING MY SON!!!!”
The funniest word …
My phone once autocorrected “Kwame” to “Lame”, which was a quick way to ruin what was shaping up to be a pretty formal text.
The funniest joke I’ve ever heard …
Q: Who’s the coolest person in the hospital?
A: The ultrasound guy!
Q: Who’s the coolest person when they’re not around?
A: The hip replacement guy!
This is my standard response whenever a colleague finds out I perform standup comedy and asks me to tell them a joke. No encore requests to date.
Kwame Asante: Teenage Heartblob is at Pleasance Courtyard, Edinburgh, to 26 August
