What?
Stirr, an automatic pan-stirrer, priced £16.99. A battery-powered motor attached to tripodic oars. In a pan, the standalone device rotates laterally, agitating the contents.
Why?
Some people need a hand getting saucy.
Well?
“Hunger is the best sauce in the world,” wrote Miguel de Cervantes, author of Don Quixote, hardly a reliable source himself. He’s wrong; it’s tartare. Or custard.
Of course, every sauce is an awesome sauce, but making them from scratch is a hassle involving constant wooden-spoon-work. Behold ye then Stirr, who can lend a hand or three. Pop him in the pan and he buzzes furiously, turning the liquid, while you live your life. Sounds incredible, yet there are … issues.
The vibrating device may look like something from War of the Worlds, but airport security guards will laugh in your face should it go off in your bag. Its soft-rubber texture, three speeds and rounded edges could have been modelled on the “personal massagers” 50s housewives used to knowingly invest in, especially those with no history of back pain. The legs have a tendency to detach and fall off, leaving you with a buzzing bullet in hand, and a mouth full of implausible excuses.
Another problem – it’s bowlegged. I attempted a béchamel: it was useless at mixing the roux, circumnavigating most of the flour in the middle of the pan. I had to help it along, defeating the point. Once milk was introduced, same story. Stirr’s legs straddled the buttery lumps, but hardly touched them. What a tease. It would take an hour to make the sauce this way, by which time the milk would boil dry. That’s not a euphemism.
There’s a larger underestimation of what stirring actually is here, too. It’s not just swirling a circle at uniform speed. It incorporates figures of eight, folding and some scraping of the sides and bottom, madam. It is, in a humble and unsung sense, an art.
This kitchen aid promises so much, but doesn’t deliver. It can competently stir a sauce already made; but you have to stir a sauce to make a sauce, and once it’s made, it’s done. The story of Stirr is, fittingly, a circular redundancy. And so I pack it away, once again unsatisfied.
Redeeming features?
May be of some use to people with arthritis. May be of use to people without it, too. #nohistoryofbackpain
Counter, drawer, back of the cupboard?
Bottom drawer. Sometimes, you have to stir yourself. 1/5
