It’s the contemporary contradiction: we’re more connected than ever, reachable by a simple comment, like, tweet or text, yet more of us are reporting loneliness, anxiety and depression than ever before.
This is especially true of British children. According to a recent NHS report, we’ve seen a 48% rise in the prevalence of emotional disorders (including anxiety and depression) in kids aged between five and 15 since 2004. And as families we’re spending more time alone – scrolling and swiping, rather than bonding. According to a YouGov survey commissioned by ITV of more than 3,000 parents, a quarter of respondents with teenage children agreed that they are often in the same room together, but not talking. At the same time, more than half of all parents surveyed (with children of any age) worry about their children’s mental health – a figure that rises to more than 60% for parents of teenagers.
It’s statistics like these that have prompted ITV and STV to link up with Mind, YoungMinds and SAMH to create Britain Get Talking, designed to encourage us to communicate face-to-face with those closest to us.
Dr Marc Bush, director of evidence and policy at YoungMinds UK, shares the best ways to boost our children’s mental wellbeing – and how it can be as simple as starting with talking and listening, as a family.
A sense of belonging
We asked Bush why something as simple as talking to our children, teenagers, and younger people can have such a positive impact mentally. “It’s about feeling like you belong, that you’re connected with other people,” he says. “If you’ve been isolated, or feeling anxious or depressed in your room, or maybe the contact you have with peers is experiences of bullying, then having positive, easy, social contacts and conversations with people might make you feel like you belong in the world – that there are people, perhaps other peers or adults, who do care about your wellbeing.
“Just that connection could be the thing that either gets you to talk a bit more about any difficulty you’re going through, or build the confidence to reach out for the support you really need.”
Small acts of kindness
“It’s not about just talking, but talking in a way that’s kind and compassionate and empathetic,” says Bush. “Many of the young people we talk to, who are anxious, who avoid social contact with their peers, get a lot of solace from the very small acts of kindness.
“For instance, if they go to their local supermarket every day, they see this same person at the till, and that person says: ‘Oh, good to see you today. Hope school was OK. Are you buying that? Hope you have a lovely dinner.’ That can be an encouragement – the world is a safer place than they think. And actually that transmission of kindness shows maybe there is a possibility of communication, particularly for those who are shy or withdrawn. It’s really important that they expand their experiences to learn that while they might have had really difficult experiences, there could be other people who actually can be protective and supportive.”
Talking to younger children
Getting people, especially children, to open up, and share their feelings and thoughts can be trickier than we sometimes think. But Bush suggests that the best reason to reach children is to remember that they are people, albeit a little younger than us.
“Remember, children and young people are people. The reason I say that is, we like to be spoken to in an empathetic and understanding way. Most of us prefer someone to talk to us at our own eye height.
“Let’s say a six-year-old child is banging two toys together. Instead of jumping to a conclusion, try: ‘Oh, I see Superman really wants to hit Batman today, what are they fighting about?’ You never know where those kinds of questions – which start with the experience of the young person, in their world, using their metaphors – can lead to. The way into it is just by allowing the person to talk in the way they want to talk.”
Listen, understand, empathise
Making sure we’re really listening, and understanding what a person is saying to us, might sound simple, but it’s all too easy to trivialise without even realising it. “The other really important thing is not to be overly reassuring, and not to dismiss things,” says Bush.
“For instance, a 21-year-old comes home and says: ‘I’m having a horrific time at work. I feel bullied, I’m failing, I feel I need to just walk away, I’m really stressed.’ Someone might reply: ‘Yeah, we all feel like that’. This kind of response is so demeaning, so dismissive. It doesn’t recognise their pain and distress.
“Listen, acknowledge and be understanding. The sheer amount of people who just wanted to hear ‘Wow, that sounds really difficult. I can’t believe you’re been going through that’ as a first response … They didn’t need platitudes or complexity. They just wanted to be understood.”
Connections mean resilience
“There’s a lot of evidence that shows that social connectedness, a feeling of belonging – particularly connecting with people who have had similar or shared life interests or experiences – is actually very protective,” says Bush. “So young people who feel like they belong, who feel they have a sense of community, and feel able to talk to others in some way, are more resilient in the face of adversity, difficulty or mental health problems.”
Britain Get Talking
To find out more about ITV’s Britain Get Talking campaign, run in collaboration with mental health charities Mind, YoungMinds and SAMH, visit itv.com/britaingettalking or stv.tv/britaingettalking
