It's the end of week ten (count'em, TEN) in the Big Brother house: it's a good thing we're all wearing sandals, otherwise the world of Big Brother coverage might have got a whole bunch more confused as we move from numbers you can count on your digits into week - no hang on, I'll be there in a second, ah yes - eleven. But that's yet to come.
First, as ever, the eviction. And who will it be to leave? You understand, of course, that's a plural 'who'. Because tonight, it's two who - a two-who toodle-oo. Sorry. Anyway...
It's a double eviction. As night falls, two housemates will tumble from the gateway of fame into the open arms of Davina (And Her Lovely Hair). Either Imogen & Susie, Pete & Richard or Michael & Glendon 'Spiral' will be leaving the house, never to return - unless they suddenly start deciding to put them back in again, which wouldn't be an unthought-of suggestion.
For the first time in this series, viewers have all week been voting to save rather than evict two housemates at once, out of a choice of three pairs, two sets of two people - out of the ten left over all - remaining safe.
Confused yet? I am. Quite apart from the 'double' thing, the change in voting is likely to confuse those not paying full attention. So that's most of us, then. Anything else would be too simple! And simple simply isn't in the vocabulary of the producers of this year's show.
There's a theory that the team behind BB7 are planning the unfolding of this series by picking words out of a hat and then stringing them together straight onto production memos. They started off with just one or two words a week, but over time have got more and more excited (and/or bored) and now seem to be pulling the words out of the hat as fast as they can get the monkeys to type them out onto Channel 4 headed notepaper and stick them in there.
For anyone who isn't able to watch the live streaming coverage for at least 23 hours of the day, this can be an offputting experience. There are only so many times you can turn on the television to find that they've suddenly split it in half, or introduced nine more people, or changed the rules again, or suddenly come up with a twist, or a twist on the last twist... just when you hadn't quite got our head around the twist nine twists ago that this new twist relates to. This week we kept switching on to catch up, only to have our heads blow up once again.
"Daaaaa sixteee in tha big brutha hoose. Every one's tuuuucking into their gruel in tha Big Butha prison......."
I'm sorry, what now? The Big Brother huh? Prison? What? So you backtrack through 90 pages of news and a thousand surprise 'plot twist' announcements to find out what's going on. But wander off again, and you come back to find the people you'd just accepted were suddenly in prison gurning in a bath by a chocolate fountain, or lying around on a makeshift beach in a silly hat. I half expect to turn on the television one night and hear that the Big Brother lions are sunbathing in the gaaaaarden, having feasted on the Big Brother bearded lady, who had entered the house as part of the Big Brother masturbate-a-thon to celebrate the surprise exchange with housemates visiting from 'Big Brother Vatican City'. Or something.
So who will it be? Well, my money's on Glendon Spiral & Michael. They were introduced late in the series (which is always a kiss of death) and are both really quite annoying to boot. People have had more time to form strong opinions about Pete, Richard, Imogen and That Older Lady, so if it's the battle of who gets the least phonecalls, it's bound to be Glendon Spiral and Michael who take the fall. That being said, I'm always wrong about these things. It could be anyone. Bring on the lions.
Tonight and every Friday there is a live eviction night blog on Organ Grinder
