Of all the things that can strike fear in the hearts of parents, children’s birthday parties are definitely on my top 10 list, right next to “my daughter becomes a Republican” and “Layla finds Mommy’s funny cigarettes”. So whenever an invitation hits our mailbox – or inbox, more accurately – I start to sweat in fear. (And not because clowns might be involved. OK, a little because of clowns.)
There was no renting of party halls when I was growing up, nor were there special appearances by Disney characters. Gone are the days when a kid’s party comprised three simple things: fun, cake, and goody bags filled with cheap plastic toys and even cheaper candy. When I had birthdays, guests weren’t expected to show up with gifts – just themselves.
Today bigger is better and biggest and best. Instead of producing revelry, children’s birthday parties – among those who can afford to spend time and money on such things – have become a sort of exercise in parental oneupmanship.
Some parents create gift registries for their children, because goodness forbid your child receives a present that they didn’t want and plan for ahead of time. Or even worse, no present at all! Others are suggesting that in lieu of gifts partygoers just give cash or chip in for extravagant gifts like Kindles and desks. Furniture! And hell hath no fury like an over-parenter scorned: one family received an invoice and threat of legal action after their five-year-old failed to attend a birthday party he had RSVPd for. A no-show fee, they called it. I call it bananas.
It’s hard to believe that any child – especially one as young as four or five – really cares about the minutiae or grandness of their birthday party. As most parents can tell you, what kids want is the presence of friends, sweets, and, most importantly, to feel special for a day. All of that can be achieved for very little money and effort. So really, this is about parents and what we want. And what we want, apparently, is everything.
I understand the overwhelming desire we all have to do right by our kids. And when your child’s friends are celebrating their parties at castles or with mountains of presents, you don’t want them to feel left out. But by refusing to take part in the birthday madness you’re doing your little one a favor. What better lesson to teach our children than we don’t always get what we want.
Besides, there are plenty of ways to have fun without excess: I had one friend who insisted that if people wanted to purchase gifts for her son’s birthday they could bring new or gently used books that she would donate to a local children’s charity. We limit Layla’s birthday parties to families and very close friends and only her grandparents (and the occasional rebel aunt) bring gifts. Or whatever happened to simply going out for dinner and ice cream?
I don’t expect that lavish birthday parties for kids too young to enjoy them are going anywhere any time soon. Consumerism continues to run amok, as does the notion that kids should be the center of parents’ universe. So until the fad runs its course, I’ll count my blessings on having a daughter who was born in August – when all the kids are gone for summer break.
