Kerry Katona has admitted that she hoped her wedding would be cancelled due to her anxiety.
The former Atomic Kitten singer, 40, is engaged to Ryan Mahoney, and he will be husband number four.
She was married to singer Brian McFadden from 2002 to 2006, taxi driver Mark Croft from 2007 to 2011 and George Kay from 2014 to 2017.
Brian cheated on her, Mark spent her fortune as she battled an addiction to cocaine and she accused George, who died in 2019 after a drug overdose, of abusing her.
And Kerry admitted that the thought of getting married again made her "feel sick".
She told the MailOnline: "I kept thinking 'I hope it gets cancelled. I hope it gets cancelled.' Honestly, I had this massive fear… it made me feel sick...
"It turned my stomach thinking about a wedding and walking down the aisle in front of all of those people again. I thought, no. I can't think of anything worse."
Kerry said that she only ever wanted to be loved but she "went about it the wrong way".
She added: "Not that Ryan is anything remotely like any three of them put together.
"Not an ounce of any of them. But you just start to think 'it must be me.'"
Kerry recently admitted that she is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) due to her three failed marriages.
She told the Daily Star: "I've definitely got post-traumatic stress from my marriages.
"Especially from my last marriage – we never got divorced me and George – I couldn't think of anything worse than getting married again."
But she said that meeting Ryan changed her opinion on tying the knot for a fourth time.
Kerry also admitted that she didn't expect to have five children with three different dads, but her past relationships have put her where she is now.
She shares daughters Molly, 19, and Lilly-Sue, 18, with McFadden, daughter Heidi, 14, and son Max, 13, with Croft, and daughter Dylan-Jorge, seven, with Kay.
"[Ryan's] completely changed everything," Kerry said. "We're all entitled to be happy and we all deserve to be loved no matter what.
"Everyone deserves a happy ever after. But it's taken me a long time to realise that."
Kerry went on: "It's not like when I was 15 I was like, 'When I grow up I'm going to get married four times and have five children with different surnames and three different dads – I can't wait.'
"But I wouldn't be on the path I'm on without those marriages."
