Keir Starmer doesn’t seem like the kind of person who has spent much time idly daydreaming about what his first time at Prime Minister’s Questions would be like.
But if he had, I doubt it would have been like this.
He squared up against Boris Johnson’s stand-in, Dominic Raab, in a mostly empty Commons chamber, while most MPs chimed in on webcams.
And if you thought Starmer’s PMQ’s debut would be a nerve-wracker, spare a thought for Lindsay Hoyle - presiding over the first ‘virtual’ PMQs.
On top of his usual job refereeing the clash of leaders, Sir Lindsay was in charge of making sure MPs were all fully dressed.
Or at least that their laptop cameras were positioned so as not to reveal their missing trousers.
The whole thing had an air of a phone in interview on a Saturday morning kids show in the 80s, with Sir Lindsay playing a young Sarah Greene or Philip Schofield.
“And now we’re going to go to Peter in Wellingborough,” he almost said. “Peter, are you there? What’s your question for the First Secretary.”
Starmer, for his part, set the tone early on - staying on top of the detail and reacting to the answers he was given.
He opened by quizzing Johnson’s understudy on the government’s increasingly optimistic pledge to perform 100,000 coronavirus tests every day, noting with admirable restraint that we’re “behind the curve” delivering just 18,000 a day with just 8 days to go.
Raab, who looks like what might happen if Bruce Banner was interrupted halfway through turning into the Incredible Hulk, reared up for a spot of goalpost repositioning.
He tried to ‘correct’ the new leader, noting testing capacity was now more than 40,000 - well on its way to the promised hundred grand.
But ever the former lawyer, Starmer returned to his feet, reminding Raab that the pledge wasn’t about capacity, it was about tests performed.
It was the kind of on-the-spot reaction that Ministers hate and which Jeremy Corbyn used to struggle with so much - the former leader instead relying on pre-prepared questions that played well in social media clips.
Speaking of Starmer’s predecessor, Mr Corbyn took his seat on the back benches in person, steadfastly refusing to ‘phone it in’ with most other MPs despite so many years of practice.
Quite why Mr Corbyn keeps insisting on turning up to Parliament in person, like Banquo looking for a sandwich, rather than staying home and stroking El Gato escapes me.
Unless of course he’s cursed with a slow internet connection, which perhaps raises questions about his election pledge to provide free super fast Broadband for every household.
Raab, whose broad, muscular neck would make a perfectly good measuring stick for social distancing rules, managed not to screw anything up or get noticeably rattled. The ever-present vein on his forehead pulsed, but didn’t burst.
He even managed to get most of the numbers right - despite not being able to put his hand on the number of care home workers who have sadly died of the virus.
And he hit most of the talking points that he’s paid to repeat as often as possible: Stay home. Protect the NHS. The government is following the science. Did you hear we’ve hired a guy who did something in the Olympics?
But you could see in his eyes that he had been hoping for a gentler ride than the forensic cross-examination he was handed by Keir Starmer QC.
It might not have been the dream, but unless Boris Johnson miraculously develops a knack for details on his return to work, he could find Keir Starmer a bit of a nightmare.
