No one would dare call Roy Keane a rabbit, not within five miles of his face anyway, but that is some long-eared, pink-nosed furry object Niall Quinn has just pulled out of what appeared to be a profoundly empty top hat.
Sunderland supporters have long had an amusing penchant for overestimating their club's importance in the grand scheme of things. Contributors to radio phone-ins tend to suggest names such as Johan Cruyff, Sven-Goran Eriksson or, at a push, Martin O'Neill as their ideal manager, never Howard Wilkinson, Mick McCarthy or Peter Reid.
Keane is the sort of marquee name that fits the bill perfectly and, if all goes to plan in the next couple of days, the seemingly hapless Quinn will have delivered more than anyone expected. It is hard to think of a managerial appointment that better suggests ambition and hunger. At a stroke Quinn has not just filled the vacant seat in the dugout, but thousands of the other empty ones starting to appear at the Stadium of Light. He has also, for better or worse, ensured Sunderland will occupy the media spotlight for the foreseeable future. Keane the Manager will be a sure-fire hit with critics and public alike - even if the length of the run is uncertain, business at the box office is bound to be brisk. Events at most Premiership clubs, Newcastle among them, will pale into insignificance beside the fireball of interest soon to envelop Wearside.
And yet. There is an obvious flaw in this scheme, one that might still rebound painfully on Quinn. Keane is not a manager. He is, in Quinn's own telling phrase, a 'would-be manager'. That is not the problem. Sunderland are winless in four matches at the foot of the Championship table, but that is not the problem either. Keane is a fighter and a winner and he has overcome greater challenges. The problem is that Keane might be temperamentally unsuited to management. At times in the past few years he has appeared barely in control of himself, let alone capable of bringing out the best in others.
He could do that on the pitch, but everyone knows great players do not always make good managers. The reason so many mediocre players go a long way in management is because they can accept mediocrity in others as a starting point and go on to make improvements. What top players often find difficult is adjusting to an inferior level, having to work with players who are not as skilful, as motivated or as receptive as themselves. This might not happen to Keane, though anyone even vaguely familiar with his final seasons at Manchester United could not fail to recognise he has issues in this area. While Sunderland fans have every right to hope for a footballing resurgence, interest from other parts of the country might be of the type best hinted at by the phrase 'car-crash television'.
People might be expecting something grim, looking forward to it even, yet at least Keane cannot be any worse than his immediate predecessor. When Quinn said he knew nothing about management he was not joking. He was on the radio last Saturday admitting that the hardest part of the 3-1 defeat at Southend was having to go into the dressing room afterwards to tell the players they were not good enough. Way to go, boss. That should have the team zooming up the table in no time. 'We'll have to spend money to bring in some players who can do the job,' Quinn said, shortly before Kevin Phillips joined West Brom. 'I think the task might be beyond some of the lads we've got.'
That is another thing about management. It is surprising how many people think it is merely about being in a position to select good players. Bryan Robson certainly did when he took over at Middlesbrough, telling Bobby Robson he was not too worried about coaching qualifications because he thought the club had enough money to buy decent players. His namesake and former England manager had to tell him that that is not quite the way it works. Only two teams in this country work on a wish-list basis - England and Chelsea - and both of those still need coaching.
Good managers work with what they have and the best can make what they have significantly better. None of that will be easy at Sunderland, for Keane or anyone else, though the new manager can thank his chairman for one thing. It will be difficult for morale to sink any lower.
