There is no figure more overlooked than Katie “The Pricey” Price. True, the phrase most readily associated with the artist formerly known as Jordan, the Juicy Couture Nero, the Kim K prototype, might be “extreme overexposure of all kinds”. But this is a woman who’s forged a long, lucrative career from calling 73 nonsensical press events per annum, turning up to each in a tutu, and then waiting as the book deals, reality TV offers and Loose Women guest appearances roll in. And yet, where are the Forbes profiles? The Katie Price LSE modules? Where is the respect? Clearly this is a gross injustice. You might not want to be stuck in an enclosed space with her but – hear me – you will recognise the Price-brand genius.
It’s been several months now since some solid Pricey exposure. Like a viral pandemic, we’re well overdue something big. So, with a probably pricy divorce bill to pay off, there’s no better time for Katie Price’s Pony Club. In it, Katie introduces to TV the exciting concept of an equestrian reality competition. Over the next six weeks, the children of four of Katie’s mates, as well as a couple of her own imaginatively named kids, will train in hunting, dressage, show jumping and racing, all in preparation for the big event: a high-society polo match.
Informed readers will already know that Katie’s an accomplished equestrian, but the elitist world of pony clubs is a harsh and haughty one. Katie tells us, with all the emotion she can muster from her adamantium heart, about when was denied entry to one tournament after the organisers deemed her “too chavvy”. “So how,” the narrator of this show and I both worry, “will she fare at a high society ball?”
This, it seems, is personal. For the opening episode, the Pony Club is gearing towards a hunt, where fierce mums and breakable children will gallop together for one of the oldest equestrian traditions, preceded by a formal pre-hunt dinner. The mums spend a day in preparation. The first thing Katie does is throw a Botox beauty party before taking her friends shopping. When she spots five glaring white wedding dresses at the high-society dress hire shop, her lucky friends are powerless to resist Katie’s insistence that they’ve found their outfits for that evening. It would be a foolish person to stand between Katie and a wedding dress, and before long all four women are standing stony-faced in an assortment of bridal gowns.
I see what she’s doing here. If horse snobs won’t accept her, then why not make herself as obnoxious as her enormous fortune permits by wearing a wedding dress to their stuffy parties? I get it. I just feel that to deny your mates an understated cocktail dress and a Jane Norman cover-up is going a bit far for the sake of class subversion. But this is The Pricey, and she’s got a plan beyond us mere mortals.
Back in the training ring, the Pony Club’s young riders have varying levels of skill and experience, and Katie is firm that if they’re not up to standard they won’t be taking part in the hunt they’re training for, and sod the cameras. Katie’s equestrian knowledge is impressive, and this is where she really shines: narrowing her eyes and critiquing a messy dismount. Which, if we want to get poetic about it, is what we’ve all been doing to Katie for years. Could it be that Katie Price’s Pony Club is, in fact, a wry poke at fame-hounding disguised by competitive mums and pink pony vans? Take a bow, Pricey, you’ve done it again.
- Katie Price’s Pony Club starts on TLC, tonight, 9pm
