As a pregnant mother of three children – two of them under five – Katherine Ryan has mixed feelings about back-to-school.
The Canadian comedian, whose fourth child is due later this year, insists she finds the resumption of the school routine for her daughter Violet, 16, “refreshing”, although she’s not as keen on her son Fred, aged four, starting reception for the first time. Her youngest daughter, Fenna, is only two.
“As for the routine of school and activities and getting the uniforms all set and getting the labels on everything and doing the lunches, I think it’s refreshing,” she insists. “It’s good for kids to be with their peers, and I think a lot of parents struggle with the summer holidays when you suddenly become an educator and entertainer for the entire summer.
“Entertaining small children is a lot, and when they break up from school, you realise how much energy they have, so I think back-to-school is great – it’s chaos, but it’s great.
“But I don’t love the idea of Fred starting reception – I’m a little bit stressed about that because I think he’s a very young four.”
Add to that the fact that Violet is starting a new school to do her A-levels and will have a lot more independence, and it means the pressure is mounting for Ryan, 42.
“Everybody’s doing something new, and I find a lot of that daunting,” admits the worried mum, who’s in a civil partnership with her childhood sweetheart Bobby Kootstra.
And expecting a newborn can’t help ease the pressure either – but Ryan insists that because she split with Kootstra in high school and wasn’t reunited with him until about seven years ago, after having Violet in another relationship, she had no option but to have three of her four children later in life.
“I think I just dive into things,” she says with a chuckle. “And when you’re 42 you really don’t have the luxury of time. There’s a version of my life where it’s just Violet and me, and I’d have so much freedom and core strength and skin elasticity if I’d chosen that path.
“But I decided to do this traditional family later in my childbearing years. And if we wanted to have one more, we had to do it now. I just didn’t have the right partner for most of my life. I would’ve had more children sooner if I’d reconnected with Bobby sooner.
“I definitely always wanted to be a mum.”
She won’t say when her new baby is due, other than “this year”, explaining that she’s vague about the timings “because then you don’t have the neighbour peeking over the fence saying ‘Where’s the baby?’ and in-laws from abroad can’t make any plans to visit. I am not someone who wants my mother and my husband’s mother and all the aunties coming to see a newborn baby.
“We will not be having any visitors. I’m like a cat. I like to have a baby in private, in a wardrobe if I can.”
But whenever the new baby does make an appearance, it will only be a few years younger than Fenna, who’s 18 months younger than Fred.
“We love having the children really close in age,” says Ryan. “I think it’s nice for them. They’re best friends – it’s chaos!
“But I think this will have to be the last one, because my resources, my time, my energy and my back are starting to feel it. I’d love to have 10 children, but I think you have to be mindful of how much attention you have to give the ones who already exist. And I think I’m at my maximum.
“I’m glad I waited, but it just means I’m old now – the children have geriatric parents.”
Stretched as her resources are, Ryan of course, still has to feed her clan, fortunately with the help of Bobby.
“We do really pride ourselves in cooking a lot at home, not ordering takeaways, and having a variety of meals,” she says, explaining she’s trying to get her youngest kids to eat a variety of food like salmon and sweet potato, when they’d be quite happy to just eat pasta at every meal.
She always offers the little ones the family meal, “because that’s the goal”, she says, explaining that the whole family eating the same meal was what was expected when she was growing up.
“My mother echoed all those classic catchphrases like ‘I’m not running a restaurant’,” she recalls. “My littlest sister was coeliac, so we all became coeliac – Mum would say it’s gluten-free for everyone. She’d only make one thing, and if we didn’t eat it for dinner, it would be put in the fridge and presented to us for breakfast. So I would love to be that family,”
However, she admits that she and Bobby usually prepare a pasta, bolognese or rice back-up meal for the toddlers in case they refuse the main meal. “Even if they have a few bites and they’re trying something new, then I’m really happy,” she says. “But sometimes we do fall back on the pasta, I’m ashamed to say.”
Her own experience of family dinnertime stress is what’s prompted Ryan to team up with the recipe box company Gousto to launch its Dinner Peace range in the back-to-school period, after Gousto research found nearly a third of parents (31%), rising to 42% of mums, said deciding what to have for the evening meal was the single most stressful school-night moment.
Ryan says Fred and Fenna are still too young to repeatedly ask what’s for dinner like some kids – the research found children ask the question an average of three times a week, with some unlucky parents (7%) hearing it several times a day – although she admits she, Bobby and Violet often ask the dreaded question themselves.
And that’s why she says she’s always grateful to have a Gousto box to hand, pointing out: “With another little human on the way, anything that takes stress off our plate is a lifesaver.”
And to help other parents reduce back-to-school stress, she offers these tips…
1. Lower the bar
Ryan stresses you don’t need to be parent of the year, pointing out: “Some days, getting everyone out the door with a clean(ish) PE kit is a win.”
2. The uniform hiding place
If you can afford it, Ryan suggests buying double the school uniform and hiding half of it from the kids. “That way, when they claim their shirt has mysteriously vanished at 7:59am, you can pull out the emergency stash like a magician,” she explains.
3. Avoid the Sunday night scramble
Spread the chaos out evenly across the week “for a more sustainable level of panic”, advises the comedian, who warns that if you leave everything to Sunday night, “that’s when you’re most likely to cry into a school shoe”.
4. Choose your battles
If your child insists on wearing odd socks or a hat shaped like a shark, let it go, Ryan advises. “You’ll need your energy for the real arguments…” she stresses.
Katherine Ryan has teamed up with Gousto for Dinner Peace – helping families replace weeknight panic with quick, tasty, home-cooked meals, with the new Batch Cook and No Cook ranges leading the way.
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