Big news from the House of Windsor: Wills and Kate have acquired a dog! A royal hound – break out the bunting!
The Daily Mail, starting as it doubtless means to go on, celebrated this seismic event by running a massive story on its website's home page that can be summed up as "Kate's dog Lupo chases a crisp packet in the park". Centre-spread picture stories of Lupo the pup cocking its leg on a bush will doubtless be saved for the weekend as a Sunday treat for its readers.
OK! also featured Crisppacketgate as a major story and took it forward by segueing with the elegance one expects of a magazine from the same stable as Television X – The Fantasy Channel to muse on what everyone really cares about: What is the state of Kate's uterus?
"It's thought William and Kate will now return to their remote Welsh cottage and the couple will start trying for their first baby," pants OK!. "Trying for a baby" is, of course, the all-too-evocative euphemism for "having stressful joyless sex". Thus, OK! leaves us all with the happy royal image of a young pup romping away outside a Welsh abode pursuing a packet of Walker's finest, while his owners are inside, grimly rutting away. Which, come to think of it, could well be the kind of thing that features on one of Northern & Shell's more specialist TV channels. Welcome to the family, Lupo!
