Kanye does not know the words to Bohemian Rhapsody
Perhaps the most shocking thing about Kanye’s performance of the classic Queen song at Glastonbury (Saturday, BBC1) was that he had not bothered to learn the words (“I’m just a poor boy, la-la-la blah-blah-tea ...”), which was cruelly revealed as he mimed along to Freddie in the intro. Then it got worse – or better, depending which side of the Twitter divide you were on – as he led the crowd in a “massaoke” (or massacreaoke perhaps).
Performing atop a crane and inside a giant light-filled Connect 4 set, Kanye (or Kayne, which also started trending, thanks to the fat of finger) split viewers near and far. There were glimpses of brilliance when he was performing his own material (especially Stronger). But mostly he looked like he was auditioning for the Little Mix video for Salute (“Representin’ all the women …”). There were elements of Spinal Tap too. Where were the little people of Stonehenge when we needed them?
Shock horror (not): Mica Paris is a diva
I’m a bit late to this Celebrity MasterChef party (Friday, BBC1). But that doesn’t matter when there are quite so many people at the party. How many people have they had on this week? Are there any celebrities left who haven’t been on MasterChef? Thank goodness they had saved the best until last and – fanfare! – comedian Syd Little was in this episode, the last before the semi-final. He went head to head with Paralympian Danny Crates, presenter Sam Nixon and singer Mica Paris. Both Mica and Syd looked as if they were going to be sick before anything had started.
Syd faced with a massive fish: “What is the fish?” Torode: “It’s fish.” He looked utterly dismayed. “What’s this?” “It’s butter.” “Ah.” Meanwhile Mica Paris was having a prolonged panic attack. “I really hate rhubarb. It’s like the worst thing ever. I can’t actually cope.” Has MasterChef become boring? Not quite yet. It is strangely compelling to see people caught like rabbits in the headlights when faced with uncooked food.
The jungle of Belize is as difficult a place to live as you might imagine
No one wants to live where they actually live, if TV home programmes are to be believed. But it’s one thing wanting to move out of the suburbs and into a nice little seaside cottage. It’s quite another to go and live in the jungle in Belize, as the Atkinson family had in Kevin McCloud’s Escape to the Wild (Sunday, Channel 4). I mean, we all know the property market in the UK is a nightmare, but really ...
“Where has this water come from?” “From the sky!” Idealistic dream? Or rose-tinted hippie nightmare? The family’s plummy accents belied the fact that they were all insanely hard grafters. They were there for the sake of the children, they said. “They have old-fashioned country living here,” claimed the mother, “You have to work together to survive.” Er, just how old-fashioned do you want to be? This was less Enid Blyton and more third-century BC. Meanwhile, Kevin got bitten by a fly and worried that it would trigger his asthma.
This was far out but fascinating, charting one eccentric couple’s decision to leave London 20 years ago and buy 28 acres of rainforest for £26,000. How much? Sold. I just need to learn how to build a hut, machete a cow and shoot poachers first.
Week two and Sheridan is still the boss.
And so the Sheridan Smith acting showcase continues in Black Work (Sunday, ITV). Blood coursing down her forehead, Jo (Smith) is in hot pursuit of the man she believed murdered her undercover detective husband. Moments later, the suspect is in custody and Jo’s stepson is attacking the car of her secret boyfriend, also a detective, with a tennis racket. Do keep up, please.
The promise of the first episode held good here, the heroine wracked with guilt about the affair, terrified of letting her kids down but betrayed by the husband she has lost, who was evidently keeping untold secrets from her. Did the husband go rogue? Or was he the pawn in someone else’s game? Jo is the audience proxy as our allegiances switch back and forth with hers. I had some plot-believability qualms in this episode. Jo has been told her daughter and stepson are at risk. Would she still try to run the investigation on her own? And that was even before this episode’s jawdropper ... tense and suspenseful, I’m still on board. Just.
