Well l am not exactly bffs with Justina (?) obvs, but tbh her "I am more than a dress" speech actually got it SO right on personal loyalty? Dave is like well I personally think it is extremely insulting to the spouse, that thing with the Mickey Mouse towel was totally demeaning? I'm like, no offence babes but one of us needs a proper job, btw, I have already promised Mummy you will pose with a Nicky Haslam fragrance diffuser it would be too unfair to promote Alice and not her, & Allie Esiri says since Govey has already done this adorbs poem plus half a page of the Sunday Times about her business would it be too much to ask you for the tiniest mention at PMQs, eg you could go, don't bang on about boring stuff, guys, buy our bezzy's amazing poetry app instead? Dave was like soz babes, time for my nap :(
Well the Goveys were staying, I said to Mummy LITERALLY the whole time Dave was in bed or studying the new Farrow and Ball colours, I mean he is right, obvs, Mole's Breath is just pure paint LUST, Govey never STOPPED being there for Sarah, he'd be like, darling, would something about teachers' depravity make a "but seriously" downpage item, or, for the humorous man-baiting nib, how about ladies, NEVER ask a man to boil an egg, don't worry, I have already written it, is 150 words enough? I mean Sarah only has to say Michael, do you think the Mail would prefer your hilarious inability to work the shower or would your views on hard loo paper be more edgy, he'll be like, actually I thought you might prefer to put in this love poem I have written? It goes: Mr Paul Dacre is one hell of a guy, Buy the (great value) Mail and find out why!
So Dave is like, fine, if you are SURE people won't mind, I'm like, are you serious, Govey has already drafted your speech, as in majorly genius, something like – people, I am more than a towel, why don't you buy a fabulous new handbag instead of looking at internet porn? Dave just goes OK, can I go to sleep now, we are all like RESULT :)))
