TRACK OF THE WEEK
Justin Bieber & BloodPop
Friends
Friends is a classic “pathetic banger”, a very specific type of pop song in which Justin Bieber apologises to an ex in a horribly self-pitying, obsequious way, but the track is so amazing you can’t help enjoying it. Honestly, Selena Gomez – because we all know which ex-girlfriend Justin is singing this for – please never block Justin’s number and kill the genre.
CNCO ft Little Mix
Reggaeton Lento (Remix)
Arriving so late to the party that all the booze is gone, someone’s passed out on the sofa and the neighbours have complained twice, here are Little Mix after a bit of that Despacito cash. Sorry girls: simply purring a bit of GSCE-level modern languages over some Spanish guitar and a reggaeton beat just won’t cut it any more.
Amber Mark
Heatwave
Heatwave sounds as if it should be played over a party scene in Love Island, or one of those alcohol adverts where someone beautiful wearing white strides into a bar in a foreign country and immediately gets handed a mojito by a handsome barman. Music supervisors: you’re welcome and I’ll take 10% of your fee.
Stefflon Don ft French Montana
Hurtin’ Me
“I heard you got a new girlfriend / And it’s hurting me”, wails Stefflon Don, going through all five stages of grief for her break-up, including bargaining (promising breakfast in bed), anger (“If I ever find her… I’m sending shots” probably isn’t a reference to tequila) and acceptance (“But who cares?”). Take notes, Little Mix: this is how you do a late-summer anthem.
Taylor Swift
Look What You Made Me Do
According to her new single, the “old” Taylor Swift is dead: Look What You Made Me Do introduces us to the new Taylor (she’s exactly the same only wearing slightly darker lipstick). And – oh my God! – she’s trying so hard. Produced by Jack Antonoff and therefore sounding very like recent Lorde, this single started its launch campaign during a solar eclipse, contains cryptic lyrics about her feud with either Kim and Kanye or Katy Perry, and has a Britney-style spoken-word segment. Yet despite all those add-ons, Tay seems to have forgotten how to write a banger. Sorry new Taylor, we preferred the old one. Is it too late to get her exhumed?
