If you’ve been tuning in to the ceaseless Ryder Cup build up on the tele over the past few days, then you’ll appreciate that it can feature more padding than the shoulders of Krystle Carrington’s jacket in an old episode of Dynasty.
There was some unintentionally delightful footage from Bethpage Park the other morning, for instance, of Bryson DeChambeau standing idly on the practice putting green, fiddling with his mobile phone and yawning while the studio analysts droned on about his ball speed, foursomes strategy, blah blah blah and yak yak yak.
Even the players were looking bored by the bloomin' previews. On social media, meanwhile, the Europeans have been pushing the ‘Our Time, Our Place’ message with a dewy-eyed video of past players telling us how hard it is to win in America amid overwhelming dollops of syrupy schmaltz that should come with a warning from the Food Standards Agency.
As somebody somewhere once observed, “when it’s all said and done, that’s when the talking has to stop.”
Mercifully, we’ll get some actual golf to talk about today as the 45th Ryder Cup gets cracking.
Well, that’s presuming the expected arrival of President Trump doesn’t delay things as a vast ring of security gets mobilised around the entire perimeter of Long Island.
The Secret Service had a good root around Bethpage Park prior to Trump’s visit, with drones, helicopters, biological units and bomb-disposal dogs all deployed. Goodness knows what they sniffed out in the media centre.
“It’s just another spectator,” said Robert MacIntyre with a smiling shrug of indifference when asked if the Trump circus will be a distraction.
“I just play golf. I'm not bright enough, for one, to be worrying about politics.”
We’re not sure Trump is either. Like all 24 US and European players competing over the next three days, MacIntyre is straining at the leash like a whippet that’s spotted a darting rabbit in the vicinity.
It’s already been a long week. The Black Course, meanwhile, is a long slog at the best of times and it’s going to be even longer after a mighty downpour on the eve of hostilities softened things up while putting a bit of a spanner in the works of players’ preparations.
As for this ‘Our Time, Our Place’ lark? Well, MacIntyre would love to write his own little piece of history.
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In the Ryder Cup’s 98-year history, a visiting side has won just four times on US soil.
Only five Scots, namely Sam Torrance, Sandy Lyle, Colin Montgomerie, Gordon Brand Jnr and Paul Lawrie, have been part of those winning away teams.
“I just think what an opportunity we've got as a team to do something special, to do something that will go down in history,” added MacIntyre, as he mulled over the prospect of joining those decorated countrymen and savouring a success in the USA.
“But there are three long days of golf. If we just control what we can control, we'll be just fine. There’s so much trust going into every part of the week and every part of the team, from the players to the vice-captains, to caddies, to partners, to backroom staff, everything.
“There's no stone unturned. At the end of the day now it's about going out there and performing.”
Unbeaten in his three matches as a rookie during Europe’s victory in Rome two years ago, MacIntyre is relishing the team dynamic again in New York this week.
“The minute you walk in that team room, it’s as though you've known each other since you were young kids,” said the Oban lefty of this camaraderie.
“I'm a lot more comfortable this year than I was last time. It was a little bit daunting last time. They (his team-mates) made you feel welcome then, now, though, it feels like we've got a better bond.
“I've played team sports all my life and it's the same feeling that you get on a bus trip home from a shinty match as you get when you walk in that team room. There's a real family feel, a real togetherness. We're on one mission.”
Winning an away Ryder Cup is often portrayed as a mission impossible at times. A lively New York crowd, meanwhile, will no doubt bolster the home advantage as the hoots, hollers, heckles and whatever else fly in brash abandon.
Amid the expected din, MacIntyre, who was involved in a bit of parrying and jousting with some boisterous spectators during the BMW Championship in Maryland last month, will just get on with the job in hand.
“We can't control them, but I can control me,” he said. “I've heard a few things before. I'll hear a few things this week. But I suppose it's part of the game. Let the fun begin.”
And on that note, it was time for the pre-match talking to stop … at last.
