Jurassic World, the fourth movie in the Jurassic Park series, will be released in three months. This means that ITV2 is three years and three months away from having a new film it can broadcast on a loop every weekend for ever. It also means we’re probably two and a half months away from the producers of Star Wars doing something to disable whatever momentum Jurassic World builds up.
Meanwhile, the Jurassic World publicity machine has cranked into gear. On jurassicworld.com, the species of dinosaur that feature in the new movie are being revealed. So what are they? How will they figure in the action? It’s time to take a closer look.
Ankylosaurus
Length: 8-11 metres (26-36ft)
Weight: 6,000kg (6 tonnes)
Aggression index: medium
The herbivorous Ankylosaurus is covered in thick armour, and has what appears to be a dinosaur version of a wrecking ball at the end of its tail. It is the closest dinosaur in appearance to the creatures depicted in the How to Train Your Dragon movies. With luck, there’ll be a scene where it rolls on its back and giggles as Chris Pratt tickles its tummy.
Apatosaurus
Length: 23-28 metres
Weight: 20,000-36,000kg
Aggression index: low
The P Diddy of the dinosaur world, the Apatosaurus used to be known as Brontosaurus. But after undergoing a root and branch image overhaul (in which it acquired a new skull), it now exists under a different moniker. However, it will still be the dinosaur that Jurassic World characters see first, affording them another moment of awestruck hat removal.
Gallimimus
Length: 8 metres
Weight: 226kg
Aggression index: low
The smaller dinosaurs that run in giant packs. They will serve no dramatic purpose in Jurassic World, unless the producers heeded my advice and included a scene where a bunch of them stand on each other’s shoulders, wearing a big coat and try and pass themselves off as a Tyrannosaurus rex.
Mosasaurus
Length: 18 metres
Weight: 5,000kg
Aggression index: high
You’ve seen the Mosasaurus before. As the dinosaur that leaps out of the water and devours a shark in the Jurassic World trailer, it’s become notorious as the most polarising creature in the film. It might even become the Jar Jar Binks of Jurassic World, depending on how racially insensitive its voice ends up being.
Stegosaurus
Length: 8.5 metres
Weight: 5,000kg
Aggression index: low
Poor Stegosaurus. It might be one of the most immediately recognisable dinosaurs around, but it’s yet to receive a meaningful storyline in three Jurassic Park films. Might Jurassic World be the moment that Stegosaurus finally shines, perhaps in a plot where it discovers that its wife has been having an affair, and goes on a vengeful rampage? Fingers crossed!
Triceratops
Length: 9 metres
Weight: 10,000kg
Aggression index: low
Triceratops already has a valuable place in the Jurassic Park canon, as the dinosaur that gets sick and craps everywhere. Long may this tradition continue in Jurassic World, in a scene where it poos and sneezes at the same time, then pulls a funny face at the camera.
Tyrannosaurus rex
Length: 12 metres
Weight: 9,000kg
Aggression index: high
People go to Jurassic Park films for one reason – to see T rex go berserk at humans and other dinosaurs. It’s the Incredible Hulk of the dinosaur world, but there’s a chance it’ll face its harshest foe yet in the forthcoming film, in the shape of …
Indominus rex
Length: Currently 12 metres
Weight: TBD
Aggression index: very high
There are no images of Indominus rex on the Jurassic World website, only pictures of its enormous reinforced concrete cage. Why the secrecy? Because Indominus rex isn’t real. It was created in the Hammond Creation laboratory, and will almost definitely be the new movie’s terrifying antagonist. Still, it’s a good thing that they’re simply inventing dinosaurs now. Perhaps in Jurassic World 2, we can have a sexy lady dino in a wig, or one who talks posh like Brain Gremlin from Gremlins 2. That’d be good.
