Monkey must confess to not being a regular reader of Loaded – even after its relaunch with a “zero nipple” policy.
So we have just been catching up with the reformed lads’ mag’s agony aunt – a certain Julie Burchill. Who, like a comfy old cardy, remains ever the same: “I write for Loaded for the only reasons I ever write – to make money and tell the truth,” she opines on the contributors’ page. “And because none of the ‘women’s’ magazines will ask me.”
The mag celebrated its 20th anniversary earlier this year by ditching the “lewd content”. Indeed, there is barely a scantily clad woman to be found in a near-200 page December issue, which features a tuxedoed Idris Elba on the cover. The title has certainly been on a, ahem … bumpy ride, with several different owners since IPC Media offloaded it in 2010 – first to former Attitude publisher Vitality. When the company went bust, its administrators flogged Loaded to Paul Baxendale-Walker, the entrepreneur, adult movie producer – and occasional porn star.
However, it is now in the hands of a slightly less colourful owner, Simian Publishing (no relation to Monkey, of course), set up after a management buyout last year led by the title’s advertising director Jason Calder-McClaren.
Anyhow, back to Burchill. The December issue problems she tackles include skinny women, Ebola, hot tub romps and the risk of the in-laws finding sex toys when they come to visit.
Her advice to a reader who thinks his girlfriend’s best mate is a tad too possessive of her? “Why don’t you – with your girl’s connivance, presuming she’s as fed up with the gooseberry as you are – suggest a threesome? If she agrees, make yourself impotent on purpose (think about Olly Murs, naked, doing the Can-Can) and then repeat mournfully, ‘This has never happened before … ‘, while your girlfriend agrees sadly. With a bit of luck, you won’t see her for dust.” Sage advice as ever, Jules.
