With the possible exceptions of Steve Martin's Bilko remake, and Steve Martin's Pink Panther remake, Hollywood never came up with a more luminously dumb idea than Jude Law's Alfie remake, in which the bewilderingly overrated actorlet gave us his version of a character that a head trauma patient could see was pretty much nailed first time around.
Naturally, the movie tanked, with Paramount blaming its horrible numbers on the 2004 US election - "it seems to be the result of the election," the studio gibbered, "maybe they didn't want to see a guy that slept around" - so it'll be intriguing to see what totally convincing psephological explanation is found should Jude's next Caine remake not live up to box office expectations. The film is a new version of the 1972 Caine classic Sleuth, in which Michael himself will be stepping into the Laurence Olivier role. I know ... Was one unflattering comparison with the past not enough?
The pair have been promoting it at the Venice Film Festival this week, but we must salute Jude's apparent mission to remake the entire Caine oeuvre, particularly as it is a back catalogue that contains so very many hidden, yet flawless, gems.
The Muppet Christmas Carol, Jaws 4: The Revenge, the Steven Seagal-directed On Deadly Ground... Just three of the famously discerning Caine's previous works that itch to be reimagined by our little buddy, as he restores hope to a tarnished medium one damn copycat project at a time.
