José Mourinho's return to Chelsea

'John Terry's feelings are all knotty between the hottie and Ancelotti,' quips Tetsuro Nagata, poetically Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'My name is José Mário dos Santos Félix Mourinho, Commander of the Blue Army of the South, three times Uefa Coach of the Year, Special One to the Media. Owner of a quarantined dog, hero to a loyal support. And I will have my vengeance, in this game or the next' – Jason Froggett comes over all gladiatorial Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Once in a blue moon, something comes and bites you in the rear,' titters Mat Dumont nervously Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'He's back! The self-proclaimed special one returns with his latest effort,' warbles Will Wilson Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Mourinho is desperate to bring Terry back to Italy with him' – Jon Warren, if this gets through the lawyers I'll eat my hat (looks like there's some hat eating in the offing) Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'After sending and receiving numerous text messages to and from his former charges regarding his return to Stamford Bridge, Mourinho couldn't hide his shock at Ashley Cole's rather inappropriate reply' – Small pic, big caption from Will Wilson Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'San Siro officials suspect they’ve been duped by an Israeli agent after they catch Inter’s manager trying to bring his masseuse to the technical area,' sniggers Kenny Ettick Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Mourinho congratulates the Chelsea players following their convincing victory over Inter in the Champions League last 16 ... no strings' – Not sure where Phil Brown is going with this one but I do like José's eyelids Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'José makes his bid for mid-90s RnB superstardom' – But was Mark Morrison really a superstar, Rayner Simpson? Photograph: guardian.co.uk

Another musically themed entry, this time from Ian Hudson: 'Jose gets punk'd by the Champions League draw' Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Vanessa made sure José got the traditional Chelsea welcome' – It's Will Wilson being risqué again ... Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'John, Frank, Michael, Carlo and the gang couldn't resist just one last team-talk from The Special One. After all, they were Biblically good' – Oliver Sparrow feathers our Gallery nest with a beauty of an entry Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'José's Theory of Evolution' – Keith Lyons comes over all Darwinist on us but did we really need to see Big Phil naked? Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Oh, well, looks like things aren't so bad' – Bert Ayers crowbars in a cultural reference that I don't understand Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'A long time ago, on a pitch in Italy ...' – Bert Ayers does cruel things to José's normally so coiffured bonce Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Can Didier Bergman fight the strange fascination that draws him closer to José Bogart, as Carlo Henreid looks helplessly on?' asks Jas Bhalla Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'José was most impressed with Ashley and John's "welcome back" present' – Drew Wright riffs on a familiar theme Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'The old media darling back in the country? At the same time as the new media darling?! There's only one way to settle this' – Thomas Nycz-Losi messes with our heads Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Pappa Moratti's Special Boy finds Chelsea Zoo oh-so-tasteless of late' – it's a baffling entry from Brian Corcoran but one worth a smile Photograph: guardian.co.uk