Joleon Lescott

"Joleon is intrigued by auto focusing," chuckles Carl Workman Photograph: n/a

Adam Harvey reckons Lescott's reaction to the Toffees' 6-1 defeat to Arsenal hinted that his preference for blue is that of the sky variety Photograph: n/a

"David Moyes and Bill Kenwright refuse to let their star defender escape to Manchester City," deadpans Rich Green Photograph: n/a

The first of the Dolly Parton entries begins now. "I'm begging darling please don't take mah man Joleon," twangs Steven Berends Photograph: n/a

"Moyes opted for an unorthodox post-match team talk," says Sesame Street's Mark Hollis Photograph: n/a

Here's Dolly No2 and it's a play on words. "Parton is such sweet sorrow," says Andrew Johnson, whose namesake knows a thing or two about leaving Everton Photograph: n/a

"The greatest trick Everton ever pulled was convincing the world that Joleon Lescott was any good," sniggers David Ellis, serving up the inevitable Usual Suspects entry Photograph: n/a

"David Moyes takes a slightly unorthodox approach to holding onto Lescott." Yup it's old funbags again. This time sent in by Luke McCarthy Photograph: n/a

"Mark Hughes stars as the vengeful nanny trying to destroy David Moyes' life and steal members of his family," says New York's Thomas Nycz-Losi a bit like that voiceover man from the movies Photograph: n/a

"Lescott has had his head turned," guffaws Rob Moline before vomiting green bile Photograph: n/a

Lescott steps in for Don Cheadle in Brian Corcoran's effort ... Photograph: n/a

... and, eh, John Neville in Sean Coffey's entry Photograph: n/a