I need a slash. Anyone who's anyone in society has one. Oh, it's all It girl / ambassador for Dior / poet/ knicker designer/ whatever. And what have I got? Nothing. I'm just the Cocktail Girl. (Strictly entre nous, I think that's why I was NFI to The Wedding.) Clearly I need other strings to my bow. To get my fingers in more pies. But what pies? Where?
I considered being Cocktail Girl / Pope, because I heard there was a vacancy. But then I thought, probably a) not being a man, b) not being Catholic, and c) not being remotely vice-free might prove obstacles to that ambition. And apparently there's already a short list and I'm not on it. But then my sources tipped me off about some kind of an election, and I thought, that's it! I shall be a Cocktail Girl / MP! What a marvellous opportunity to wear pearls and a neat Chanel two piece and lots of make up and be bossier than usual! I will engineer a sleaze revival, because I'm good at that, and Effikal will vote for me (probably, once I entice her away from the Greens with offers of Pink Drinks and free lip gloss.) And I know all you lot will, my dear fans. Do feel free to make suggestion re my, you know, 'policies', because I haven't got any yet. And now I'm off to practice acknowledging and bewailing my manifold sins and wickedness, which I, from time to time, most grievously have committed - because apparently it's all the rage among the upper classes. Ta ta.
