John O'Shea

"John seems to be at something of a crossroads in his career." Ian Arscott wonders whether O'Shea can resist the lure of Big Sam. Photograph: Ian Arscott

"John wasn't going to be frozen out of Fergie's plans for ever," giggles Paul Quinlan. "Insert your own vegetable jokes." No. Photograph: Paul Quinlan

"You'll look after my boy, won't you Dave?" said John's unusual agent to a petrified Sir Alex. Neil Ardiff tips his cap to The League of Gentlemen, although we're not sure why. Photograph: Neil Ardiff

"The BBC have commissioned The John O'Shea Diaries. A team will follow the elusive utility player for a week to see where the pesky little scamp pops up next," says Mike Gershon. Sounds better than Any Dream Will Do, anyway. Photograph: Mike Gershon

"Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It's Utility-Man," cries an awestruck Mike Kilpatrick. Photograph: Mike Kilpatrick

"People say John looks like that bloke off Phoenix Nights. Is that a bit unoriginal," asks Becky Ruse. No, Becky, never. Photograph: Becky Ruse

Oh. Photograph: Vina Paddy/Vina Paddy

Ah. Photograph: John O'Reilly

Um. Photograph: John Barry

John turns up in Happy Gilmore in Ryan Coutant's effort. "Gaffer, one of the caddies just told me Boulahrouz got sent off." Photograph: Ryan Coutant