Joey Essex said the grief of losing his mother as a child is stopping him from finding love, as he sadly fears he’ll lose them too.
The TOWIE star’s beloved mother Tina took her own life in 2001 amidst a battle with severe depression, when Joey was just 10 years old.
He’s documented his struggle to come to terms with her death in a new BBC documentary, Joey Essex: Grief and Me, and said the devastating loss has prevented him from settling down and starting a family.
During an emotional scene, Joey broke down and confessed he pushes women away because he is afraid they’ll leave him.
“My mum loved me, but she left me. I just think to myself: If she loved me that much, why would she leave me?” he sobbed.
“I’ve had loads of relationships but I always end up pushing them away.
“Imagine if I was with someone and I had kids with them and I really did love that person and then she left me. I wouldn’t know what to do. I’m already thinking we’re gonna break up before we’re together. I’m pushing it away,” Joey candidly told the cameras.
The reality star said knew he needed to confront the fallout from the agonising loss of his mother, so sought professional help from clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr Stephen Blumenthal.
Joey, 30, has dated a string of famous women, including singer Rita Ora and TOWIE co-star Sam Faiers, as well as Lorena Medina, who he split from last year.
He then embarked on a whirlwind romance with Brazilian model Brenda Santos, and after they called it quits, she told Heat their relationship was “unhealthy” because they spent too much time together over lockdown.
In the documentary, Joey said Tina’s death left a huge gap in his life, and triggered his anxiety, which he still suffers with now.
During the chat with the psychologist, the star recalled heart-breaking nightmares he had following his mum’s death, including one in which he would wake up screaming her name.
“I remember the time when I used to wake up screaming ‘Tell mum I love her.’ I used to . . . now it’s come back to me. I used to just repeat it — I’d panic and go crazy,” he explained.
Joey also said that he’s spent thousands trying to “fill a gap” in his life, and would give up all his fame and fortune to spend just one hour with his mum.
“I’ve tried everything, I’ve done everything. Nothing seems to make me happy. Everything I’ve achieved in life, who have I got to prove it to? No one.
“I would throw everything away to spend one hour with her,” he cried.
* Joey Essex: Grief and Me airs on 3 June on BBC1.
* If you're struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operate a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email jo@samaritans.org or visit their site to find your local branch
