For decades, we’ve been trying to find out who shot Michael Collins – and nobody thought to ask Coleen Rooney.
The Kennedy Assassination? Give Coleen the files and a weekend in a luxury spa hotel and she’d have it solved before you could say Lee Harvey Oswald.
Seriously, has there been a better story in… well… forever than Cold Case Coleen and the Mystery of the Instagram Leaker?
We’ve been battered by Brexit, tormented by Trump, watched the Amazon burn and seen the polar ice-caps melt.
But for one glorious moment, the Jessica Fletcher of WAGs distracted us from all of that and had us in stitches as she pulled off one of the all-time great reveals.
The killer line, “It’s...Rebekah Vardy’s account”, is up there with Arthur Conan Doyle’s, “My name is Sherlock Holmes. It is my business to know what other people don’t know”.
Just like the Sherlock Holmes mysteries, this tale is set to run and run.
And even as Sherlock has his Moriarty, Coleen has a devilishly clever foe in Rebekah.
You had to applaud her line on the uselessness of arguing with Coleen as it was like “arguing with a pigeon – you can tell it that you are right and it is wrong but it’s still going to s**t in your hair”. Mrs Vardy has shown she’s going to fight this all the way, it’ll be more than Hermes handbags at dawn – there’ll be lawyers, private investigators and IT specialists all over this by Wednesday.
Of course, a cynic might say that this is all too perfect.
That if two WAGs who had been slipping out of the public eye wanted to keep a high profile with lots of media deals and sponsorship opportunities, this is exactly how they would go about it. Coleen and Rebekah are going to dominate the headlines, daytime TV, glossy mags and social media from here until Christmas at least.
In an era when a Kardashian can charge up to a million dollars for one tweet, this kind of notoriety and public fascination can be worth a hell of a lot of money.
So sure, Wayne was seen as the talent in the Rooney household. But he’s only trotting after the dark, Machiavellian genius of Coleen.
