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Job lot: internet gets to work on Scott Morrison’s multiple ministries mayhem

Former prime minister Scott Morrison
When former Australian prime minister Scott Morrison signed himself up for six ministry roles, nobody can deny that the man loves jobs. Photograph: Loren Elliott/Reuters

There have been many jobs Scott Morrison has distanced himself from during his tenure in parliament, from being an ethical theologian to holding a hose.

By his final days as prime minister, “It’s not my job” had become a running catchphrase.

Covid restrictions of states and territories? “It’s not my job to go around second-guessing other people’s decisions.” The Capitol riots? “Disappointing”, but also, not his job to be “providing lectures”.

What’s now become patently clear is Morrison didn’t have time to indulge the press gallery on hypotheticals because he was, at the same time, working a whole string of jobs behind the scenes.

Anthony Albanese has confirmed Morrison was appointed to five additional portfolios under section 64 of the constitution during the pandemic, including the departments of health, finance, home affairs, treasury, and industry, science, energy and resources.

The revelations of his extraordinary ministerial powers have delighted the internet, bringing a new meaning to Morrison’s near-constant use of the word “job”.

When you’re running your own secret ministry, who has time to stay and chat specifics?

It’s much easier to just repeat the word “job”, or ruminate on the heady thrills of the concept of employment (“how good are jobs”, “jobs and growth” and so on).

When you’ve signed yourself up for six roles, nobody can deny that the man loves jobs.

At a time when many of us were shuttered up at home, relying on jobkeeper and baking bread, Morrison was out there, a “stealth bulldozer”, secretly wearing several different employment hats, while still finding time to regularly cook apparently raw curry.

It’s all a bit confusing – but given these were appointments made due to the extraordinary circumstances of the pandemic, maybe laying the information out in a more appropriate format will help.

Incredible!

As dictionary expert David Astle has suggested, we may need to change Morrison’s pronouns to “they/them” in light of his expansive portfolios.

As the cabinet portfolios Morrison co-appointed himself to continue to emerge, it’s a wonder he managed to keep up with international relations.

As for keeping abreast of the numerous roles, who among us can’t recall what ministries we swore ourselves into without telling the public or, in some cases, the minister themselves during a global pandemic?

That’s just “day-to-day politics” – coincidentally another thing that hasn’t been Morrison’s job to engage with since leaving the top role, despite still being employed as a member of parliament.

At this point, Morrison’s CV is getting so thick it may need its own book, or film (directed, of course, by Morrison himself, starring Morrison, written by Morrison, and so on).

So what can we learn from this whole charade?

In this country, according to the man himself: “If you have a go, you get a go. There is a fair go for those who have a go.”

The “fair” part may be presently up for debate, but one thing is certain: if you fail at your job, whether it be one, two or six – well, that’s on you, too.

And others suggest a final fitting end to Morrison’s multiple ministry tour …