Jimmy Bullard brought his footballing wisdom to the pundit couch for the Arsenal v Hull match yesterday but he also brought back that most divisive of male trends: heavage. While the usual suspects of said couch stick with Big Collars and Smart Suits (see Bullard’s fellow presenters Alan Shearer and Gary Lineker), the former Hull player went for a look that could be described as nightclub-owner chic. Note the pulled-back ponytail, black suit with satin collar and black satin shirt unbuttoned to reveal a significant amount of chest flesh. A closer look reveals that he accessorised said look with an actual medallion. Twitter users namechecked Peter Stringfellow. John Travolta’s look in 1977’s Saturday Night Fever is another good shout.
Retro masculinity is key to heavage’s power over a new generation of men. If a few years ago it was all about the low V-neck for men, the loose, open-necked shirt is the new way to display your chest-wares right now. It’s less The Wanted in 2010 and more Mick Jagger and Keith Richards recording Exile on Main Street from a French villa in 1971, duly sporting flouncy blouses. Other exponents of the retro-heavage look include boyband members such as Harry Styles – who, with that hair, channels the Stones’ out-all-night bohemia as standard – and Brad Simpson from the Vamps. Basically, for this look, think anyone young enough to be Keef’s grandson riffling through his closet.
Their pop-culture elders have been all over this for a while. Kanye West is such a heavage pro, he sometimes coordinates his with his wife, and even adds a bit of knee-vage, with extreme rips in his jeans. Russell Brand has been dressing like a 1970s rock casualty for a decade, with his heavage rarely out of sight.
The sign that retro heavage is definitely a thing comes from another throwback to dubious 70s values, Nigel Farage. When the Ukip leader met Brand on Newsnight last month, he accused the comedian of straightening his chest hair before his appearance on the panel show. Butch v lothario: it’s almost as if the last three decades never happened. Heavage in 2015 is not just a trend. it’s now the site of political beefs, a rockn’roll revival and – thanks to Bullard – a new distraction from the analysis of Arsenal’s latest midfield formation on the pundit couch.
